Just Say No to Syfy Drugs

Wednesday, August 10, 2016 - 07:00

Drugs are, of course, bad. But the drugs on Syfy shows can be even worse.

So, remember, kids -- if anyone offers you any of the crap below, even if they claim it's "free," you know what to do ...

  1. Shadow

    Just look at this green junk. You inject it into your damn neck, and then it 'expands your mind' or some such hooey. We first saw this poison in last week's episode of Dark Matter when the crew of the Raza stole a whole slew of it from a group of psychic psychos called the Seers, and you know what? Nothing good came of it.


     
  2. Jakk

    The drug of choice on Killjoys, Jakk, aka bliss, is a highly addictive narcotic made from the Jakk plant (filthy flora, that). It's also highly flammable and toxic if burned. Yeah, inject that junk into your body, dummy.



    People go cuckoo over this swill. Watch.


     
  3. Lozenge

    Aka the 'focus pill,' this is the creepy dope the Martians take when they interrogate prisoners on The Expanse. It allows the user to become hyper-aware of the captive's emotional state and body language, effectively turning the interrogator into a human lie detector. Martians are weirdos.


     
  4. Z Weed

    The recreational hashish of the zombie apocalypse as seen on Z Nation, Z Weed is made from the compost of zombie corpses. Yes, your brain cells need some of that immediately.



    Doc also indulged in some zombie apocalypse peyote in the second season of Z Nation. Here's what happened.


     
  5. Mood Mods

    Another drug featured on Killjoys, mood mods are often referred to as 'euphoria in a bottle' ... the effects of which last for about ten minutes. While mood mods are nowhere near as dangerous as Jakk, one can certainly get into a lot of trouble in ten minutes ...



    ... though, admittedly, there's probably no real harm in kissing Dutch for ten minutes, right?


     
  6. Liquid Emotions

    The Brakebills kids on The Magicians found that their skills are most effective in The Neitherlands when they're drained of their emotions, which they liquify and store in vials around their necks. This liquid isn't necessarily a drug per se, but downing your feelings in one gulp after being without them for a length of time can lead to a sudden emotional breakdown ... and to participating in threesomes. And threesomes only lead to heartbreak, kids.


     
  7. The Red Leaves of The Red Forest

    What is this stuff, exactly? On 12 Monkeys, drinking tea made from the Red Leaves of The Red Forest -- the place where 'time ceases to exist' -- allows one to time travel without the use of a machine. Swell. Just stay right here in 2016, please. 

Anyway, don't do drugs. Unless you want to end up looking like the dope fiend ghost in this week's episode of Paranormal Witness.