This week's episode of Defiance features a guest star appearance by none other than Sharknado's own Ian Ziering, playing the role of Conrad Von Bach, arms dealer and former flame of Berlin.
Let's not forget that before he became famous for his shark-battling prowess, Ziering was part of the ensemble of Beverly Hills 90210, everyone's all-time favorite television series ever. (Okay, we're exaggerating, but not by much.)
Which, of course, has us imagining his 90210 co-stars rolling into Defiance for their own guest star appearances. Enter our alt-world fantasy below.
- Jason Priestley (Brandon Walsh)
The moral center and primary dreamboat of 90210, Jason Priestley's Brandon Walsh decorated many a high school girl's locker throughout the '90s. After the show's ninth season, Brandon moved to Washington to be a big-time reporter, which has us imagining Priestley playing the human J. Jonah Jameson-type editor-in-chief of the Defiance News. You know you want to hear him exclaim, "The only newspaper on Earth that isn't shtako!"
- Shannen Doherty (Brenda Walsh)
Brandon's equally dreamy twin, Shannen Doherty's Brenda Walsh left the show after the fourth season upon a move to London to attend the Royal Academy for Dramatic Arts. This has us imagining Doherty playing the head Irathient Player of a traveling theatrical troupe that rolls into Defiance, who of course strikes up a romance with Nolan. We also for some reason picture her as the Hellbug Queen, a sort of grosser (but still kinda hot) take on Alice Krige's sexy Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact. We're weird.
- Jennie Garth (Kelly Taylor)
Jennie Garth is arguably the true "star" of Beverly Hills 90210, with her character, Kelly Taylor, appearing in all ten seasons, launching the Melrose Place spin-off and being featured in the 90210 series reboot. As Kelly became a guidance counselor at West Beverly High, Garth would make for a fine Castithan guidance counselor at Defiance High, no? This of course would lead to her starring in the first Defiance spin-off series, Defiance 63101.
- Gabrielle Carteris (Andrea Zuckerman)
Gabrielle's real-life pregnancy was incorporated into the plotline of her character, the brainy Andrea Zuckerman, which resulted in her becoming more isolated from the rest of the cast, ultimately disappearing from the show after the fifth season. Carteris went on to host Gabrielle (1995-96), so naturally she'll be playing the Indogene host of a popular talk show who also serves as its default technical consultant (you know Indogenes love their tech).
- Luke Perry (Dylan McKay)
Dylan McKay, the show's number-two dreamboat, roused the wrath of a local crime boss when he dared romance his daughter, which means Luke Perry's guest character should run afoul of Datak Tarr in some capacity. We picture him as a mysterious human drifter who rolls into town and sweeps Stahma off her feet; unfortunately, his drug addiction eventually tears them apart, prompting him to ride off into the sunset on his makeshift motorcycle that Doc Yewll tricked out for him because, in Doc's words, "I can't say no to such perfect hair."
- Brian Austin Green (David Silver)
As David Silver was known for his love of music, Brian Austin Green would guest star as a Castithan DJ. And not just any DJ, mind you — the best DJ on the planet, as his musical stylings are so enchanting that they almost inspire complete and total peace amongst all Votan races. Of course, the VC considers him to be some sort of vague threat in the power hierarchy and has him thrown to the Hellbugs, an incident that later comes to be known as "The Day the Music Died."
- Tori Spelling (Donna Martin)
Tori would play the source, heart and soul of all the Gulanee, known simply as "Mother," despite the fact that the Gulanee have no gender. Or maybe they do! Everything you ever wanted to know about the Gulanee will be revealed in Tori's episode, in which she appears only as a glowing ball of light with a vague Tori Spelling face. Picture it now and swoon.
Check out Ian Ziering's portrayal of Conrad Von Bach in Defiance Season 3, Episode 6: "The Beauty of Our Weapons" on Friday at 8/7c.