Looking for a place to spend your summer vacation? Look no further than the Exit bunker! Bottomless pits, ticking clocks, human-sized shredders, freeze-blasters, plungers -- this place has something for everyone. Run by Curt Doussett and a disembodied voice we like to call Monotone Lady Computer Announcer (MLCA), the Exit Bunker has all the charm of a bed and breakfast, and all the fun of a natural disaster. Book your trip today, and join happy customers like this week's Exit contestants:
Betsy and Wesley, hairdressers and pals.
Sarah and Carrie, blonde bartenders who are afraid of clowns. Quick, MLCA, fire up The Clown Room! (there really should be a clown room, right?)
CC and Jessica, opposite gender roommates who call themselves "entertainers." Broad, but we'll buy it.
Natalie and Kristie, roller derby girls who are tough and have the devil-may-care style to prove it.
These four teams are set to battle each other for a shot at ten thousand dollars, and, most importantly, the right to return home from this little jaunt to Exit-land in one piece.
The first challenge on their quest is The Beam Room, where players must keep their cool and solve a series of visual puzzles while precariously perched on an ever-retracting beam above what can only be described as a bottomless pit. Just some good, wholesome, family fun.
Three rounds in and hairdressers Betsy and Wesley have the least amount of beam left to stand on, but no one is in imminent danger -- this might actually be the best puzzle-solving crew we've seen on the show thus far. But even correct answers take time off the clock; One of these teams is going in the pit if it takes Curt all day to get them there.
Will it be the roller-girls, who fail to solve until this humdinger:
as phrase "two by fours"?
Or maybe CC and Jessica, who struggle to solve for PLASMA H2O ("blood is thicker than water")?
Nope! Instead it's last call for bartenders Sarah and Carrie, who exit the bunker first with a dramatic fall from the competition. And as they plummet out of the game, plunger in hand, we realize that just once, we'd like to see someone use those darned things to their advantage. You know, suction themselves to the wall while their partner dangles from their ankles, then laugh with the dizzying freedom of a person who doesn't have to answer the puzzles correctly. Because the only way to beat the beam... is to not need the beam. Deep.
But since none of that happens, the three remaining teams move on to their second challenge: not snickering at Curt when he invites them back to The Rotunda. JK, it's The Shredder Room. The Shredder Room is basically a long low hallway with three different word-jumble puzzle stations. Teams must crawl to the stations and solve the puzzles in order to exit, all while a human-sized shredder chomps angrily at their backsides. The last team to finish gets chewed up and spit out of the game.
What did we tell you -- something for everyone. All this place is missing is the umbrella-topped beverage.
The roller-girls finish station one first, putting some distance between themselves and the shredder. The hairdressers join them soon after, followed by the entertaining roommates. When "cooking direction" stumps the girls (the word Curt's looking for here is "stir"), they get passed, putting them in the shredder's sights. It's still anyone's game at the third station -- and a few mistakes by leading teams jumbles the whole order once again. CC and Jessica somehow end up exiting first, putting Wesley and Betsy up against Natalie and Kristie for the final spot in the next round. When the hairdressers can't figure out that the "Mick Jagger or Keith Richards" clue means they should spell "stone," they squander their lead and end up shredded. Which really, seems like a fitting way for these scissor-wielding sidekicks to go.
Next up for the remaining contestants: The Wall Room. In this room, the teammates are shackled to a super-creepy question station, where they have to come up with the same, correct answer to score a point. Once they get five points, one of them is released to retrieve a plasma key -- but as soon as they start, the walls of the room begin to close in around them. The first teammate places the plasma key in a slot in the wall and runs out -- at which point the second teammate is released to start the same process. The first team to get both players out moves on to compete for ten thousand dollars.
Okay, so The Wall Room is a little complicated. But it works. You're just going to have to trust us on this one.
The trivia portion of the game is tense, with the teams moving forward at the same pace. Tied at four correct answers, the roller-girls pull ahead; finishing their questions and getting an early start on the people-squishing segment of the room. Natalie is released and starts working while CC and Jessica try one more question. The roommates get it right, which puts CC in play only seconds behind Natalie. It now comes down to which player is better at the old "wrangle a plasma key with grabby poles" challenge -- and who didn't play that as a child?
Apparently, Kristie -- she drops the key, which gives come-from-behind kids CC and Jessica an opportunity to take the lead. They exit the room safely, and roller-girl Kristie gets crushed. Ouch.
At last, just one room stands between roommates-slash-entertainers CC and Jessica and ten thousand dollars. This week that room is... Curt's Cabin in the Woods. The vacation motif just keeps on coming, gang! In this cabin, CC and Jessica have ten minutes to complete four trivia tasks, all while the ceiling of the room lowers down on them. This is really not a show for claustrophobes.
CC and Jessica get going on their first challenge: placing plaques with band names on the wall in order of their first studio album release. After claiming to know nothing about rock music, and putting up two laughable attempts at the answer, they somehow pull the right order out of thin air, finishing with a whopping 8:50 left on the clock. Next, they have to pull four states that touch the Atlantic Ocean out of a list of eight. This one is a no-brainer, and CC and Jessica nail it on their first try.
With over seven minutes left, the ten thousand looks like it's in the bag for these roomies. But with the ceiling getting closer, tensions are still high. Can they get through the final two tasks? First: they are given a statement and a number, and they have to determine if that number should be more or less than what it is in relation to the statement (i.e. calories in a Whopper -- more or less than 1282?).
Somehow, CC and Jessica waste three minutes getting five of these correct -- is Curt just reading the questions super slowly in the hopes of escaping this episode without yet another team taking ten thousand from him? We're on to you, Doussett. Still, the roommates have a good chunk of time left to complete their final challenge: answering three straight-up trivia questions.
AND... after confusing Channing Tatum with his movie character Magic Mike, the roommates finally get their third question correct! With less than ten seconds left on the clock, CC and Jessica win the cash! They get up and celebrate the victory (not to mention their newly won headspace, as the ceiling returns to its regular levels) with a dance. Hey, we guess they're entertainers after all.
What's your favorite Exit Room: Beam, Shredder, Sand Pit, Wall, Freeze-Blaster, Tank, or Cabin in the Woods?
Beam room/Shredder room/Wall Room/Ceiling room
The Rolling Stones once sang €śyou can€™t always get what you want€ť -- and when it comes to Betsy and Wesley€™s performance in The Shredder Room, those words were never truer.