In 2074, Kidnapping Is a Family Business

Wednesday, January 4, 2017 - 23:00

Hello, citizen. Welcome back to Life in 2074, our weekly blog exploring the day-to-day of the future world of Incorporated. Here we take a closer look at the details of life in a corporate-controlled society as depicted in the latest episode of Incorporated.

Looking to make some extra cash ... or maybe even cover all living expenses for the next several years? There are exciting career opportunities in the kidnapping industry! Here's what the future is like as seen in Incorporated Season 1, Episode 6: "Sweating the Assets."

Kidnapping

Welcome to the exciting world of Professional Ransoming. It can be a lucrative profession and, if you take the right precautions, a completely safe one.

First, extract the data, then destroy the watch. Most Suit technology will immediately send out a warning beacon and could lead the suits right to you.

Second, rape is for amateurs. Kidnapping is a serious endeavor with professional standards. Statistically, corporate retribution is 33 percent more likely when sexual violence is involved. Save your money!

Third, know your target! Abducting an employee of too low a rank means a less likely pay out. Similarly, too high profile a client and you may find yourself on the other side of a missile strike. Play it smart, and don't get greedy!

Finally, ears can be replaced. Other body parts still remain a challenge. Ears are motivators; eyes, nose or limbs may be a ticket to oblivion.

Happy Kidnapping!

CNR

Containment and Recovery Protocol is the corporate answer to all kidnapping situations. With this simple, straightforward policy, the corporation is always protected and your loved ones will have their best shot at survival. Using hidden malware embedded in the cash transfer, the location of the kidnappers is revealed and a Tactical Strike Unit is sent to eradicate the threat. Unfortunately, due to the difficulty of the situation and the need to prevent private corporate data being distributed, casualties are often likely.

The Morning Stick

You have a busy life, and don't have time to get sick, let alone waste time in a doctor's office. That's where the Morning Stick comes in. A sterile, auto-replaced needle located in your bathroom floor extracts a microscopic blood sample and does an instantaneous analysis. Thorough analysis of your immune, endocrine, reproductive, vascular and neurological systems will prompt you to speak with a physician when necessary. Bonus: a Nutri Stick add-on will automatically compensate for any deficiencies, assuring you are in peak health.

Targeted Ads

In the old days, you had to come to the ads. Now, thanks to SPIGA's new AdSwoke Software, our products come directly to you. By observing communication, search histories and conversations in your home, AdSwoke knows what you want and how to best get it to you. All data collected is the property of SPIGA and AdSwoke.