PrimevalEpisodes

Angry Birds
Season 1 - Episode 4
Angry Birds

Fade up on a marijuana "grow-op" where an employee, Skeezer (no, really), is packing delivery bags of pot and snacking on cheese puffs. The shots of the pot make it look like dung and are very effective anti-bud propaganda -- as is the prospect of finding a baby Titanis (a.k.a. "the terror bird") nesting amongst your plants. After sending their courier out for a delivery, Skeezer and his crew chief, Blake, decide to adopt Baby Bird for the moment.

Out on the road, Baby Bird's enraged mother attacks the courier.

Back at Cross Photonics, Toby's machines start beeping, alerting the team to the anomaly that let the prehistoric birds into the present. Toby really wants to see an anomaly for herself, for research purposes, and Cross finally relents (possibly because Dylan has brought along tasers "designed to drop a charging rhino"). Ange and her Manolos point out that Cross has a meeting he absolutely has to make or he's not going to get funding, so why can't Lieutenant Leeds handle the situation? Cross isn't having it.

While the stoners play Xbox and feed Baby Bird fried chicken and weed (someone call the ASPCA! Or whatever analogous organization handles prehistoric fauna), Mac complains about having to babysit Toby on her first mission, and Cross and Dylan banter while hopping the grow-op's fence. Cross gets stuck, Dylan frees him, they have A Moment, and everyone wishes they would just make out already. The alarms that go off just then would seem to agree, but it's just the grow-op's security perimeter, and now Cross and Dylan have guns trained on them by Skeezer and Blake, who aren't trying to hear that they're from Predator Control and just want to investigate the area for any unusual animals.

Out on the road, Toby and Mac slam into a giant Mama Bird in their SUV; the bird splits, but Toby and Mac see the gnarly remains of the courier, and Toby freaks out that the bird had blood on its beak, but refuses to back down. Things aren't going much better at Cross Photonics, where Ange gets the news that they didn't get a lucrative contract and angrily stuffs Cross's prototype notes into a shredder; or at Pot Inc., where Dylan finally gets Skeezer to admit they saw the baby and put it in a box, but isn't allowed to go with Cross to canvass the abandoned trainyard the grow-op runs out of. She does manage to talk Blake out of shooting the bird in case it eats his crop.

But that leaves Cross lurking through the trainyard, Mama Bird following him, and Dylan as a hostage. Fortunately, Ange has sent Leeds to find Cross -- she wants the government to take over Cross's dinosaur-hunting; Leeds just wants Cross to show up for a meeting for once -- and he happens to show up to distract Mama Bird just as she corners Cross. They run while arguing over how Leeds found them, but Mama Bird takes a bite out of Cross's leg, then goes down like a ton of zombie-emu bricks when Mac pumps her full of tranqs. Awesome! Except Mac used all his ammo on the one Mama Bird, and actually, there are two. Less awesome! All three scramble into an old train car to hide and bandage Cross's wound.

Meanwhile, a fed-up Dylan is like, that's it, I'm going out there. Blake is not on board with that, but when Toby appears and knocks Skeezer out with a single tranq dart, Blake softens his position (It could also be Dylan's note that "terror birds can run faster than you can drive."). He's leaving in five minutes, whatever happens, and Dylan can go...but now Toby has to stay with him.

As Leeds impresses us with his first-aid skills, knowledge of vintage tea-service pricing, and impressive screwdriver-hurling abilities, Dylan puts together a plan to distract Mama One, who's now trying to open the train car from the top like a can of tuna. Toby is cooing to Baby Bird in Cantonese and accusing Blake of fouling up the space-time continuum, and his inability to tolerate her prickliness sends him storming out of the train car...and right into the gullet of Mama One, who pulls a pelican on him. Yuck.

Dylan tries to taser Mama One; no dice. Plan B is the only option, considering their location: Hotbox the birds to calm them down, then pitch them back through the anomaly (Mac, unbelievably, doesn't know what hotboxing is; just in case you don't know either, it's slang for smoking pot in an enclosed space, like a tiny bathroom. Or so we have heard from very slight acquaintances). Dylan lights a bunch of pot plants on fire, then lures the birds through the fragrant train.

We don't see the return of the Titanises through the giant sparkly anomaly Leeds was so gobsmacked by in an earlier scene -- just the aftermath, with a stoned Mac shoveling Cracker Jacks into his piehole while Ange expositions that all the creatures, dead or alive, were returned to their own time and Leeds started a cover story for them. Leeds also agrees to throw Cross Photonics some government contracts to make up for the business Cross's dino-vanting is costing them, and Cross admits that he might have misjudged Leeds -- but he's careful to say that that doesn't make them friends.

And Cross may have been right in his initial wariness, as it seems that Leeds has stashed Baby Bird in a box in the back of his Aztek (The same car that anti-hero Walter White drives in Breaking Bad. Coincidence?).

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