6 Do's and Don'ts for the solar eclipse

Contributed by
Aug 21, 2017

Today is the solar eclipse and everyone is freaking out and debating whether you should look at it and what to do with your dogs during it.

But science fiction, fantasy, and horror movies have taught us important lessons about the eclipse! And we have listed them here ...

DON'T pick up strange talking plants.

And why would you, anyway, eclipse or no eclipse? Come on. 

DO begin searching for the Triangle of Light with Angelina Jolie because it has powers of space and time, which is better for you to have than evil people to have, unless you are evil.

Wait a minute, that was the plot of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider? We totally forgot. 

DO look out for people, particularly cheerleaders, developing strange powers.

It happens. And it could happen to you, too, cheerleading or no cheerleading. 

Sometimes being a High Riding Bitch...is all you have to survive.

DO murder your husband if he is abusive and you live on a remote island in Maine and Judy Parfitt told you to.

Yes, you must meet all of the above criteria to justify murder.  

Cm0yGeH-tKo

DON'T give birth during the eclipse, and most certainly DON'T let your child become friends with other children born during the eclipse because they will probably be murderers.

Seriously. 

DO NOT speak to this person.

He shows up during eclipses and is really mean.