7 gifts we want to give Wonder Woman for her birthday

Contributed by
Mar 22, 2018

According to DC's 1976 calendar, today is the birthday of one Princess Diana of Paradise Island, Molded From Clay and Brought To Life.

It's Wonder Woman's special day! But what does one get for the Amazonian warrior who has everything? Wonder pants for chilly days? How dare you. A jet? PLEASE. A lasso holder? She's got six—at least half of them from one of those sexy-type shops. Luckily, we've come up with a few gifts our beloved Diana would appreciate.

An ice cream maker

Think of how proud she could be every single day!

Invisible fuzzy accessories for her invisible jet

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it shouldn't look cute. [*ponders that sentence, head explodes*

The Buffy crossover we've wanted since the 2002 MTV Movie Awards

Into every generation, a Slayer is born: one girl in all the world, and why shouldn't that include Themiscyra, hmm? Plus Diana already has experience with vampires.

A Steve Trevor bath toy

Like a rubber duckie, but hot and naked. Look, the real Steve might be dead, but that's no reason she can't have a joyful reminder of that time she was wonderfully distracted looking down at his... watch. 

The best and only solution to her love triangle with Batman and Superman

I mean, she doesn't want them—one's that p*ssy Clark half the time, the other has a TON of issues and baggage, and the two of them clearly have chemistry. It makes a lot of sense. 

A clear onscreen declaration of her bisexuality

Ahem. We're waiting. 

For everyone to pretend Amazons Attack never existed.

The best gift of all would obviously be to just pretend Amazons Attack — in which Hippolyta and the women of Themiscyra return to go full-on genocidal and declare war on the United States, while the president throws women into internment camps — never happened. I mean, even more than they already do.