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80 thoughts I had while watching The Muppet Christmas Carol

Contributed by
Dec 23, 2017

The Muppet Christmas Carol came out in 1992. Directed by Jim Henson's son, Brian,  it is a surprisingly accurate adaptation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Gonzo plays Dickens, with Kermit as Bob Cratchit and Michael Caine as Ebenezer Scrooge.

The story is what it is, and the Muppets give it the depth it needs while still injecting it with some trademark Muppet humor. It is genuinely one of my absolute favorite holiday movies, but let's see how it holds up under the scrutiny of a Deja View

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1. THERE’S MY BIG GREEN FROG BOY

2. GONZO IS THE BEST MUPPET DON’T AT ME

3. Gonzo has my favorite pun in any Muppet movie ever made, and it’s in the original Muppet Movie. He meets Miss Piggy for the first time and he says, “If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.” If that’s not the best thing you’ve ever read then you must have an awfully sad life.

4. The mixture of humans, Muppets, and anthropomorphic Muppet fruit in even in the most Dickensian of settings is so delightfully weird.

5. “I’m creating scarcity, drives the prices up.” That is painfully true and depressing.

6. We don’t know that Charles Dickens WASN’T a blue furry monster that hung out with a rat, to be honest.

7. Rizzo the Rat sounds like Fran Drescher.

8. Bless Michael Caine for doing this movie.

9. “There’s nothing in nature that freezes your heart like years of living alone.” #ouch #perpetuallysingle

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10. That eggplant with teeth is the stuff of nightmares.

11. “He must be so lonely, he must be so sad.
He goes to extremes to convince us he’s bad.
He’s really a victim of fear and of pride.
Look close and there must be a sweet man inside
.”
2016 news media, is that you?

12. I like Dickens Gonzo more than actual Dickens.

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13. Gonzo looks fly as hell.

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14. Is Michael Caine wearing a tooth piece?

15. “Our assets are frozen!” I’m sure that joke killed me when I was 8 (and now when I’m 33).

16. I vaguely remember Fred being cute? ... and I’m glad my brain didn’t lie to me, Fred is such a cutie!

17. “What right have you to be merry? You’re poor enough.” – Congress, probably.

18. Why is Kermit the only frog who works for Scrooge? Why is everyone else a rat?

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19. Oh look, it’s my favorite gay couple from the Muppet universe!

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20. WHAT THE F*CK, SCROOGE. THAT BUNNEH IS SO SMALL. AND YOU THROW THE WREATH AT HIM?

21. “Other businesses will be closed! You’ll have no one to do business with!” Me, wondering why anyone is open in December.

22. This is easily the best Muppet movie.

23. This office is not very accessible for the height of the people who work in it. Humans are trash.

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24. Kermit is out here in 18th-century couture.

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25. MY HEART IS WEEPING

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26. What is this movie just here to wreck my emotions, good God. My heart.

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27. Which doorknob is scarier?

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28. IT ME

29. The Muppet Christmas Carol is actually better than A Christmas Carol.

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30. I laughed so hard at this exchange I had to pause the movie. 

31. Yeah that dressing gown is so ugly, you should definitely beat it, Scrooge.

32. I imagine this is what rich people are actually like, to be honest. If I was rich I’d be so much better at it than Scrooge. I’d buy so much stuff.

33. “There’s more of gravy than of grave about you.” Marleys don’t know humor, that joke is amazing.

34. “So have your fun, when life is done, a nightmare waits for you.” This movie is not playing, oh my god.

35. “Can’t I meet them all at once and get it over with?” Actually me at any social function with new people. 

36. We all deserve a friend like Rizzo. *kiss*

37. Is the first ghost the awesome one or the creepy child ghost, I can’t remember.

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38. OH IT’S THE CREEPY CHILD GHOST, HATE HATE HATE HATE.

39. I mean, this puppetry is amazing, but why is this ghost so scary.

40. Why are young-sounding, echo-y English children so creepy-sounding?

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42. So in this world, both Muppet chickens and real-life chickens exist. Sure. Okay. (Yes, this is what I’m spending my time wondering about.)

43. Going back to elementary school? File under: I’d rather go to hell than experience that nightmare.

44. Listen, you name your kid Ebenezer you’re going to get an old-man-child.

45. “You will love business. It is the American way.” THIS MOVIE IS GETTING TOO REAL FOR ME.

46. Michael Caine should’ve gotten an Oscar for being able to say “rubber chicken factory” with a straight face.

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47. Gonzo just gave that chicken a once-over, dang. Buy her a drink first, bro.

48. Animal’s aggrieved sigh at having to handle the room that Fozzie can’t is so depressing.

49. Seriously though, Gonzo and Rizzo’s outfits are so on point.

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50. Young Scrooge can GEDDIIIIIT.

51. Rolf should have more to do, though. What a waste of our favorite piano-playing dogget.

52. THIS MOVIE IS ACTUALLY REALLY SAD AND I DID NOT SIGN UP TO FEEL FEELINGS, OKAY.

53. If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it, Scrooge, you money-loving scoundrel.

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54. MY FAVORITE FORGETFUL SANTA DADDY GHOST, COME IN AND KNOW ME BETTER, MAN.

55. “My mind is filled with the here and now.” 2017 motto.

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56. DEMON CHOIR

57. Dancing Santa Daddy Ghost is the best ghost. Nothing but respect for my Santa Daddy Ghost.

58. Yes, oh Scrooge, you are about to get dragged through the mud and I can’t wait.

59. Although how terrible is Fred, who is all Christmas-love-happiness, but then he chooses to make fun of his uncle, who isn’t even there to defend himself. Fred’s actually a jerk?

60. “I need to make you feel worse, let’s go!” Santa Daddy Ghost hides his mean streak well, but goddang.

61. A pig and a frog get married and they have two frog babies and two pig babies. Sure. Science.

62. Miss Piggy straight-up Mrs. Weasley-ing her twins.

63. I’m team Miss Piggy. “I’d give him a piece of my mind to feast upon him. And I bet he’d choke on it.” DRAG HIM TO HELL, PIGGY.

64. Tiny Tim’s song is so boring. We get it. You’re smol and holier than thou.

65. NO SANTA DADDY GHOST YOU ARE DYING

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66. When I die, please let me erupt into a fit of sparkles and disappear.

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67. Friggin ring wraith dementor looking mother f*cker ghost of Christmas future over here.

68. If you lean in closely you can hear it, “Frodo… Bagginsssssss.”

69. “Of what poor wretch do they speak?” Scrooge has the self-awareness of the worst douche-frat-bro you know.

70. How did Scrooge make so money when he is so bad at getting from point A to point B?

71. My poor cold heart is crying. Kermit the Frog is talking about his child’s grave and how did I watch this when I was a kid and not die of sadness.

72. “Life is made up of meetings and partings.” KILL ME NOW.

73. YES SCROOGE, CONFRONT YOUR OWN MORTALITY, YA DINGUS.

74. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, you will die alone and unloved. That is the lesson this movie has taught me.

75. I can’t believe Ebenezer gets a do-over, but I, a mostly good person, can’t go back in time and not totally ruin my chance with that boy I had a crush on in college. 

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76. Rizzo is a Gryffindor, Gonzo is definitely a Ravenclaw.

77. “Hey Bob, I came to celebrate Christmas at your hovel and also I brought 47 people with me.”

78. What kind of game are you playing, though. Still going to pretend to be a jerk? Why? SCROOGE WHY ARE YOU GASLIGHTING KERMIT?

79. We all also need a Miss Piggy in our lives.

80. See, all old rich white men need to care about poor people is to be shamed and confronted with their own sh*tty legacies. So heartwarming.