Happy Thorsday! We're counting down to the November release of Thor: Ragnarok which means we're also counting down my top Thor-ty movies that would be better with Thor in them.
So far we've suggested 10 different movies (still not counting the Good Dinothor) and how our favorite Asgardian's presence would improve them. Here's the latest contribution.
1. I Am Number Thor
Thor seems like an ordinary teenager (albeit with incredibly well-defined muscles and long luxurious blond locks) but in reality, he is an alien. Perpetually on the run from merciless enemies hunting him and the eight others like him, Thor is forced to constantly disguise his true identity by moving and changing his name. Because of this, Thor has never experienced a true home. Now, in the tiny town of Boise, Idaho where he is currently hiding, Thor is finally discovering what it means to fall in love, learning about his alien abilities, deepening his connection with others of his own kind, and exploring the seemingly unending variety of uses Idahoans have come up with for potatoes (they make candy out of them! Say what?!)
2. Thorrest Gump
Thorrest Gump lives a life of boundless optimism and hope. Regardless of his situation, Thorrest can always find the silver lining. Following a career as a college football star, fighting in Vietnam, or as the captain of a small tourist boat trapped on an island for years following a three-hour tour, Thorrest is an inspiration to all around him with his child like wonder and enthusiasm. Thorrest overcomes obstacle after obstacle, but the biggest challenge of all is winning the heart of his childhood love, the sweet but troubled Jenny.
3. Toy Thory
Thor wakes up and finds himself not on Asgard, but transformed into an action figure, “Buff Lightyear.” Worse, he’s also now the property of a little boy named Smudge, er I mean, Andy. Once a mighty god on his home planet, Thor discovers all his powers now seem to be limited to flashing lights, pre-recorded messages, and vibrating rumble rockets. To add insult to injury, his beloved Mjolnir is only included in the exclusive limited-edition release of “Buff Lightyear”…and he’s just the economy version.
Thor spends the rest of the movie trying to get back to Asgard while dodging Sid, the vicious neighborhood bully. In the end, Thor learns that home is where your heart is and that while batteries don’t last forever, good friends do.
Special guest appearance by Patrick Stewart as the voice of Poop.
4. Thortal Instruments
Thor is living a totally normal life in New York when suddenly his entire reality is stripped away and he discovers he’s the last in a long line of Shadowhunters. Part human and part angel (I mean, isn’t it obvious?), Thor is tasked with protecting humanity from the forces of evil.
Thor takes the fight between good and evil to Downworld, an alternate realm filled with demons, vampires and other monsters. There he flexes his muscles, smashes some monsters, and helps his true love Clary find and protect an ancient cup that holds the key to her mother’s future.
5. Not Anothor Teen Movie
In this movie, Thor takes aim at every trope in Tinseltown and does it all while looking fabulous. Joined by Chris Evans (again!) the two decide to take the nerdiest (secretly hot) girl in their school and turn her into the prom queen. Of course, it works and everyone leaves the theater feeling smugly proud of themselves for seeing a seemingly shallow movie with a somewhat moral driven plot.
Features two gratuitous makeover scenes, one for the secretly hot nerdy girl and one for Thor (which really isn’t a makeover so much as just a long, long scene of him blow-drying his hair outside in the misty woods while surrounded by howling wolves and accompanied by haunting Celtic music.)