The Chosen One of the Day: Greta

Contributed by
Dec 2, 2016

 

The holiday season has officially begun, which means two things: office parties and the heartwarming, Christmas classic Gremlins 2. Greta didn’t start out as a saucy minx; initially, she was asexual, degenerate mogwai spawn like the rest of her litter. But after she guzzled down some mystery serum like a divorcee guzzles Franzia when they find out their ex is getting remarried and turned into a Big Ang’s doppelganger.

Greta was the queen of the gremlins, and quickly let all of them know she was not the one by slapping the crap out of any of them when they tried to kick it to her. She may have dressed like a Hunts Point hooker, but she was a respectable woman and her heart was set on Frank Forster, the weasely assistant to antagonist and Donald Trump parody, Daniel Clamp.

So why is Greta the Chosen One? Besides her impeccable fashion sense, she’s  the only one of the gremlins that survived the sequel and even got her man at the end. May we all channel Greta this holiday season and slap on the finest cocktail dress Rainbow stores sell, get drunk on the good stuff, and be the last one standing.