Warning: This post contains major spoilers for Pacific Rim: Uprising. No, it’s not about how John Boyega has enough charisma to power a thousand suns. That’s not a spoiler. You knew that already. Today’s Chosen One constitutes a major plot twist, so venture past the gif of a smoldering Idris Elba only if you’ve already seen Pacific Rim: Uprising or you’re OK with being spoiled.
Charlie Day has sex with that kaiju brain, right?
In Pacific Rim: Uprising, we catch up with Dr. Newton Geiszler (Charlie Day), one half of the scientist dream team that provided valuable intel by inadvisably drifting with a kaiju in the original film. In Uprising, he’s left both the government service and his BFF Dr. Hermann Gottlieb (Burn Gorman). Instead, he’s working for a private company that creates drones and is living with a woman named “Alice.” When he meets Hermann for what appears to be the first time in a while, he's excited about his former friend finally getting to meet Alice, implying that A) they’ve been together a long while and B) she’s someone he routinely talks about.
Hermann just assumes Alice is a human, because… of course he would. But, alas, he forgot a critical component of Newton’s personality, namely, that he is the kaiju equivalent of a furry.
- Is “Alice” a kaiju brain that Newton keeps in a large glass jar—decorated with a pink heart—in his bedroom?
- Does he speak to her as if she were his human wife?
- Are we introduced to Alice as the song “I Wanna Know What Love Is” plays in the background?
Plotwise, ever since drifting with a kaiju in the first movie, Newton has become addicted to drifting with Alice. That enables the kaiju from the other side of the rift to infect his brain and use him as a tool to sabotage the company he works for, thus hopefully bringing about the end of the human race.
So Charlie Day isn’t actually having sex with a kaiju brain. But he sort of is. Look. You don’t pull out “I Wanna Know What Love Is” without implying something. The sexual connection Newton and Alice has is spiritual and mental. It's tantric, really. You wouldn’t understand.
I say, go Alice. Humanity had a good run. If you, a brain in a jar, can find a naive scientist whom you can take advantage of using your sexy, sexy frontal lobe in order to bring about a full-scale alien invasion, I say go for it.
We all need hobbies.