Chosen One of the Day: Captain Caveman

Contributed by
Feb 16, 2017

In case you haven't noticed, I have a weakness and deep lasting love for Hanna Barbera. So today's Chosen One is the first real superhero ever, the often forgotten-about Captain Caveman!

Cavey was a caveman and a superhero and traveled with his own super squad of teenage mystery-solvers called the Teen Angels. Captain Caveman wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, so he kind of relied on the Teen Angels to accomplish pretty much anything and to stop him from eating potential clues. I guess being frozen in ice makes you super-hungry and into eating non-foodstuffs in one gulp, which Cavey was known to do.

Like other Hanna Barbera classics, Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels was supposed to be a parody of a TV show, this being Charlie's Angels. They would solve mysteries a la Scooby Doo, utilizing Cavey's powers of super-strength and ability to fly, thanks to his club.

He was also put Batman's utility belt to shame because he stored all sorts of random weird crap in his fur, like live dinosaurs, because why not? Cavey also had a mutual crush on the blonde Angel with the best stripper name, Taffy Dare. Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels had their own Saturday morning cartoon, but my personal favorites were their Laff-A-Lympics appearances, because pretty much nothing tops Laff-A-Lympics and I will fight you if you try to say otherwise.

Cavey also had a son (don't ask me how or who with) who wasn't as powerful as his old man but inherited all the brains in the family. In the '80s, they starred in their own show within a show on The Flintstone Kids, where they were Fred's neighbors. I guess that was supposed to have been pre-Captain Caveman's being frozen and discovered by the Teen Angels.

All I know is Hanna Barbera's cartoon universe puts the MCU to shame and why hasn't anyone picked up on this and brought all this insane goodness back? Superheroes are clearly IT right now, and I would absolutely watch a weird dark comedy about a prehistoric superhero that chilled with dinosaurs and what not. That's like Jurassic Park meets Marvel, which I'm pretty sure just made all the money without even going into production.

You know what, let's get The Great Gazoo fromThe Jetsons in there too to get the Star Wars crowd/money. That's a trillion-dollar box office idea if I've ever heard one.

I leave you with this earworm of Captain Caveman's signature scream. Good luck not yelling this out randomly for no reason today.