Chosen One of the Day: Edward the Feminist Troll from Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Contributed by
Mar 7, 2017

If you've never had the pleasure of sitting through the anachronistic fairy tale absurdity that is Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, allow me to set the scene …

In the movie, Hansel and Gretel are not exactly the children from your fairy tale memories. Though their backstory is generally the same — left alone in the woods by their father, end up at a candy witch house, Gretel is awesome and defeats the witch, they escape — but the movie takes a look much further down the road. What happens to Hansel and Gretel after they escape? What happens? They become witch hunters, of course! Traveling the world dispatching magical hags right, left and center.

They have a weird steampunk-esque record player! Hansel has magic diabetes from all the candy he was force-fed as a child! Gretel is still way more interesting and bad-ass than her surly brother!

But by far the best thing about this entire movie is Edward, the feminist troll.

You heard me.

Life is hard for a troll, especially one forced to work for an evil witch. But Edward is sensitive and kind and protective and he is having none of your violence against women.

About mid-way through the movie, Edward is heading back to do his requisite minion-ing when he is stopped by the sounds of Gretel getting the crap kicked out of her by the town's resident band of misogynists. Being the fine feminist troll he is, he doesn't immediately rush to her rescue -- she can take care of herself, after all -- but when it becomes obvious that the men intend to kill her, he does what any of our troll allies would … and pops their heads like really messy grapes.

Edward ends up becoming one of Gretel's closest allies and a good friend. He may save her life, but he never questions her authority or her ability to help herself, so long as she is conscious at the time, and at the end of the movie it is HE who becomes the damsel in distress — and being saved by a girl never threatens his troll-hood.