On May, at approximately noon Eastern Standard Time… the Earth moved.
That’s when Disney put up this 1-minute-45-second video of Donald Glover leading viewers on a tour of of a pre-Han Solo—and thus looking like less of a filthy, flying frat house—Millennium Falcon. Have you watched it? You should watch it. Stay with me until :44.
A WALK-IN CAPE ARMOIRE.
WELL BLOW ME DOWN.
WELL BURN THE EARTH AND SALT THE ASHES.
I AM S H A K E N.
There are dozens of capes in this thing, in all colors of the rainbow. We have short capes and long capes and fur capes and leatherette capes at least one velvet cape. In a deep purple, of course, because you know who the king of space capes is? That’s right — it’s LANDO. And he cares for his capes! We’re talking climate control and enough room so that, when deciding what cape to wear that day, he can swing around a bit to get a proper sense of billow. I’m telling you, as someone who owns multiple capes: It’s a must.
Ladies: Know this. A man who respects his capes is going to respect you. Incidentally, how many of these capes was Donald Glover able to keep when Solo was done shooting? Because we know from this New Yorker profile that he casually lounges around the house wearing them, which is, frankly, an underrated thing to do. They're so comfortable! It's like wearing a blanket around your shoulders but classy. Really turns the experience of brushing pretzel crumbs off your pajama-clad legs while bingeing Vanderpump Rules into an Event.
Lando gets it.
It’s sad, in a way, because you know Han Solo didn’t respect the sanctity of the walk-in cape armoire once he won the Falcon. He probably turned it into a storage locker for a half-broken foosball table. At best. At worst, we’re talking a Children’s Hospital-esque “public fart room,” just out of spite.