Chosen One of the Day: Ryan Reynolds as Jay 'Boom' DeBoom on The X-Files

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May 18, 2018

The loss of a friend is an unimaginable, devastating void. The loss of a friend when you are a teenager on a television show is an opportunity for horny hijinks. Guess which one we're gonna talk about.

Today, we know him best as Deadpool, but in the long long ago of 1996, Ryan Reynolds was a baby-faced, 20-year-old Canuck with a heart full of dreams and a future full of pun-based mercking. One of his early roles was as Jay "Boom" DeBoom in the Season 3 X-Files episode "Syzygy." And, oh boy, are we lucky to have it.

You know those early, brief appearances in an actor's career that give us a glimpse of the megastar they will one day become? This is not that. As Boom, Reynolds serves us some manner of East Coast accent, the world's tiniest hoop earring, and an emotional plea to kick some butt. You know. FOR BRUNO.

BRUNO! BRUNO YOU MEANT SO MUCH TO US, BRUNO WHY'D YOU HAVE TO—we don't know Bruno, we don't meet Bruno, this is the literally first minute of the episode. Immediately after this sterling eulogy, Boom goes to be alone near his truck when he's approached by two attractive blondes scared that the rumored cult that took beloved (?) Bruno will next come for "a blonde virgin." And like a dog hearing the shake of a treat bag, Boom announces a rather resigned "I'll give you guys a ride home and a good deflowering then I suppose." I may be paraphrasing. On the ride, the girls talk some more about their virginity concerns, because, like, what is a virgin to do?

Boom has an idea.

Boom's idea doesn't go great.

Then his casket bursts into flames, he grows up to become a couple of superheroes and a ridiculously hot ab monster, you know, your standard horny teen shenanigan stuff. But through his commitment to friendship, a commitment that lasted literally minutes until the possibility of group sex was on the table, Boom was the real hero.

FOR BRUNO!