Chosen One of the Day: Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Contributed by
Jul 5, 2017

Pretty much every nerdy girl had a teenage witch/goth phase. Yes, even you, person who is shaking their head while trying frantically to erase the memories of too much eyeliner and weekends trying to read Tarot cards for your friends at sleepovers. I see you.

For us millennial nerds, most of us also had a Sabrina the Teenage Witch phase, and with it came an ill-advised crush on the most boring TV boyfriend in history, a strange urge to ride your vacuum, and a desire for a snarky black cat named Salem.

Salem was and remains everyone’s favorite character from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, for several very good reasons:

1. His name is Salem Saberhagen. At least 10% of you reading this at least seriously considered actually naming your own cat this.

2. He was sentenced to a century as a cat after attempting to take over the world and starting a cult-like group - to which Sabrina’s Aunt Hilda belonged -- who chanted “Witch Power” during meetings.

3. He was definitely not a puppet. I have no idea what you mean by “Uncanny Valley.”

4. He has much better table manners than most normal cats.

5. He gives dubious dating advice. Also life advice.

6. Still not a puppet.

7. He likes wearing clothes, so all those little outfits you keep buying from Petsmart will probably go over well. Kitty fashion show!

8. He’s pretty much going to live forever, and since his de-catting is contingent on no longer wanting to take over the world, he will probably be your pet for all eternity.

9. Okay, fine, I guess he MAY have been a puppet.