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Chosen One of the Day: That woman who married a 300-year-old pirate ghost

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Jan 19, 2018

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear veils, which are like capes for your head.

Amanda Teague is a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator. We don't have the rights to the photo, but you can either see her in full Sparrow regalia at the Mirror or look at this picture of Christopher Walken as Captain Hook because that is what she is serving us and I'm for it.

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Anyway, Amanda was having a tough time finding a man who could shiver her timbers. So she decided to think outside the box—box here meaning corporeal human form—and look elsewhere. And that is where she found her own Jack, a Haitian pirate who died in the 1700s. Sure, they have a bit of an age gap—she's 45, he's, like, 300ish—but they make it work. All of it. Wink wink, nudge nudge, something about "booty."

She reckons the fact Jack is dead is not a problem and - like any ordinary couple - they go on dates, have arguments and even have sex.

I have questions. Amanda has answers.

Satisfied Amanda says sex with a spirit is surprisingly similar to sex with a physical human — and Jack even makes sure she doesn’t go without an orgasm.

She explained: “It is well known that people often feel a spirit touch their hands, their face or their hair.

“The only difference with having a sexual relationship with a spirit is obviously that sense of touch goes a lot deeper.

“You can feel the weight of the spirit, their touch, the pressure. You can literally feel the physical act of what the spirit is doing to you, and the spirit can feel it, too.”

Get it, girl. But she did tell the Irish Sun that she wasn't willing to give up her doubloons without a real commitment.

Loved-up Jack — who is so powerful he can make lights flicker and turn on stereos — ­proposed two years later after being presented with an ultimatum by Amanda.

She said: “I told him I wasn’t really cool with having casual sex with a spirit and I wanted us to make a proper commitment to each other.

“If I am going to be in a long-term relationship with somebody I have the right to be married.

“I wanted the big traditional wedding with the white dress, it was very important to me.”

Man, even ghosts have commitment issues.

Amanda and Jack were married in international waters (presumably because he is still wanted by authorities for general piracy), and he said his "I do" via a spiritual medium. The two are registered at Bed, Bath and the Great Beyond. 

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