Chosen One of The Day: The Ark of the Covenant

Contributed by
Aug 15, 2017

Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve seen the first and third movie of the Indiana Jones trilogy. (Accurately named, as it consists of only three movies and anyone who tells you a fourth one exists is lying to you and should be avoided.) Or maybe you’ve never seen them, or failed to understand something about the plot, so here’s the details.

These are Nazis.

They’re the bad guys.

This guy? 

He's a Nazi. He's a bad guy.

The answer is yes.

Now, this is the Ark of the Covenant.

It might seem like a MacGuffin, but it is not. It has one job and one job only. It knows exactly what that job is, and how to do it. It doesn’t vaguely hint at the problem, or offer to sit down with the Nazis and talk about it. It doesn’t shrug its shoulders and say that the Nazis simply have a different opinion and really, isn’t Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones just as much at fault for all the violence of his movies as they are?

No. Because they are Nazis.

This is the Ark of the Covenent.

It. Melts. Nazis.

You see that?!

It doesn’t just melt them, it even CLEANS UP AFTER ITSELF when it’s done!

Remember that guy from earlier? The Nazi?

Me either.

Good job, Ark of the Covenant!