Chosen One of the Day: The creepy doll from Stephen King's episode of The X-Files

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If you've been in the world this week then you know that IT is currently murdering the box office (see what I did there?). Stephen King has a knack for taking otherwise innocuous things - clowns, dogs, children - and making them extremely creepy with just a tiny change; usually, just children singing or laughing or getting covered in blood. The X-Files was also very good at this, though generally, they added non-human elements, like bugs or aliens or oil or bugs. Lots of bugs. This show has ruined bees, fireflies, cockroaches (did you know you could ruin cockroaches?) …

So when you meld the two - Stephen King and The X-Files - you get the Season 5 episode, "Chinga," a 45-minute mystery starring vacation-days Scully rocking her best style of the series …

… a bored Mulder starting his ongoing habit of playing target practice with his ceiling …

… some of the best conversations of the series held entirely on the phone …

and, of course, a homicidal doll.

Dolls are creepy enough as it is. They have dead eyes that follow you around the room, they seemingly exist to take the place of real humans (or perhaps steal their souls), and you're not entirely certain they don't get up and move around in the middle of the night.

And then there's this doll who ACTUALLY GETS UP AND MOVES AROUND. She also opens her terrifying eyes all on her own and talks even when you haven't pulled the string on her back, and her dead-eyed stare literally convinces people to claw out their own eyes or stab themselves IN the eye. The episode starts with the doll killing or maiming an entire grocery store full of customers and it only goes downhill from there.

Eventually, Scully shoves the doll in the microwave and tosses it into the ocean and IT IS STILL NOT DEAD.

This is why there will never be dolls in my home. Sorry, future children. Blame Stephen King.

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