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Dream Casting: Satan's Soldier

Contributed by
Apr 19, 2018

Dream Casting is an imaginative look at the casting process of potential Hollywood projects based on comics and other media. This isn't just about what is being made; this is about what should be made, and who we think should be the stars.

What if Superman was just terrible? Not a dangerous, taciturn badass like some reimaginings try to make him, but an outright garbage person. Like the worst person you've ever met, but so incredibly powerful that nobody can do much about him. That's the premise of Tom Scioli's Satan's Soldier, a visually groundbreaking comic that's now available on Comixology.

A movie version of Satan's Soldier, if DC would even let you get away with it, would need to be as colorful and psychedelic as the comic itself. I think most of the backgrounds would be pure CGI, but it would be cooler if the characters were live action. I've put together a cast who I think could handle the weirdness of this story and bring Scioli's unusual vision to life.

Adam Driver as Satan's Soldier

Adam Driver (Star Wars: The Last Jedi) has the height and build to play a superhero, but he's a much weirder, and weirder-looking, actor than that. Style him just like Superman and witness how unsettlingly off he looks. Perfect for Satan's Soldier.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Justice

I considered double-casting these nearly identical characters, but it's more interesting if Justice is played by a different actor than Satan's Soldier. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Looper) has that classically heroic face, but he often plays characters who are at least a little off.

Aubrey Plaza as Heroine

Aubrey Plaza (Legion) has the comedic chops to sell a high degree of absurdity, and her deadpan delivery will be the perfect contrast to the visual pageantry of this cosmic Wonder Woman analogue.

Domhnall Gleeson as D'ark

It's not just that I want to see more Gleeson versus Driver (although they are great at that). Domhnall Gleeson (Star Wars: The Last Jedi) has an excellent voice to play a masked creature of the night who's also a superhero.

Zach Callison as Human Shield

D'ark's Robin-esque sidekick being called Human Shield is one of the most overt jokes in the comic, but the character isn't entirely in on it. Zach Callison (Steven Universe) can absolutely find the humor in that portrayal while making him seem like a real character.

Peter Dinklage as Invader

While Peter Dinklage's stature is appropriate for the role, it's his acting ability and wonderfully resonant voice that make him perfect for the role of an alien hero.

Bill Hader as Lollilop Lincoln

What does Lollipop Lincoln sound like when he talks, and how is it different from regular Lincoln? I'm not sure, but I bet Bill Hader (Barry) would have a hilarious take on it.

Idris Elba as Black Sabbyth

Idris Elba already plays a god in the Thor movies, but this god is far more mysterious and intimidating. Elba's imposing presence and wonderful voice are perfect for just about any deity.

Jeff Bridges as Cosmoses

That twinkle in the eye of Jeff Bridges (The Giver) will seem all the more significant when he's a gigantic divine cosmic figure with horns. He and Elba will work great together as the characters who would be the main villains of the piece, if the protagonist wasn't the actual worst person of all.