It is a truth universally acknowledged that the optimal fashion situation for Jeff Goldblum will always be the following:
A) Black shirt, unbuttoned
B) Oiled chest
Or, since a picture is worth a thousand words, this:
It’s just science.
That said, we here at Fangrrls have enough magnanimity in our hearts and our libidos to recognize that there are other Jeff Goldblum looks that are perfectly fine. No, not fine. Foine. Full blisterface Jeff in The Fly isn't particularly bunkable, I'll grant you, but there is this:
And we don't talk about the rockabilly cowboy aesthetic from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension nearly enough. Look at this. He's wearing chaps:
Here, Baby Jeff Goldblum c. 1984 could pass as a Girls extra c. 2017.
And The Life Aquatic Goldblum could rock a scarf like nobody's business.
And let's not forget Goldblum's nerd chic ensemble in Independence Day. I’m going to let my eyes slide right past the puka shell necklace, because it was the ‘90s and we all made mistakes, but low-cut white tee + plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up + plastic-rimmed glasses is a god. damned. look by just about any reasonable standard.
All this is to say that Jeff Goldblum has been a bona fide sartorial icon since approximately the beginning of time. Which brings us to this look, sported by Sir Goldblum of the Goldblum Goldblums last December at the GQ Men of the Year Party:
Jeff Goldblum in this sheer silver glitter shirt. Such all-consuming love in my heart. pic.twitter.com/kNafPAhyY9
— Rebecca Pahle (@RebeccaPahle) April 17, 2017 " />Do you see this shirt?
Jeff Goldblum, are you wearing mithril?
Are you going to throw the One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom, Jeff?
Scratchy, semi-sheer, shiny, and silver, this shirt is a lot. A lot as in, Baz Luhrmann would consider it for one of the disco scenes for The Get Down only to dismiss it as too "out there" for his aesthetic. "I know I had a bit in Moulin Rouge where Richard Roxburgh, having been punched in the face by Jim Broadbent, flung his gun up so high in the air that it hit the Eiffel Tower, but I need somesubtlety, y'know?."
And yet, somehow, Jeff Goldblum pulls this shirt off. He makes it look classy, even. He makes a sheer glitter shirt look like the height of sophistication. Is it the skinny tie? The effortless chic of his stance? The fact that he's color-coordinated his shirt to his hair, spun silver strand to spun silver strand? Wrong. It's the ineffable Jeff Goldblum of it all.