Go, ninja. Go, ninja. Go. Wait, I didn't mean it. Come back!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Secret of the Ooze is about to celebrate its 23rd birthday. Does that make anyone hyper-aware of their own mortality? Asking for a friend. That friend, by the way? Is NOT Vanilla Ice. That dude has not aged a day.
And I don't know that because I'm stalking Robert Van Winkle. Thanks, restraining order! No, it's a matter of public record now thanks to a new commercial from, of all things, Kraft Mac & Cheese. Yes, really. In the ad, Ice plays a stockboy and then ... well, see for yourself.
A few things to keep in mind:
- Vanilla Ice is being named Outstanding Citizen of the Year this month in Wellington, Fla.
- He is also about to go on tour with Coolio, where he will perform "Ninja Rap" repeatedly.
- The mother in this video is significantly younger than I am.
- Oh, God. Oh, God. This is the worst timeline, isn't it?