Texas dude sues his date for texting during Guardians of the Galaxy 2

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May 17, 2017

In yet another prime example of the decline of western civilization and a foreboding sign of the apocalypse prophesied by the fudge-making Brigittine Monks of Oregon, a Texas man is seeking legal restitution over a recent incident that occurred during a screening of Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

Claiming he's owed legal reimbursement by his date for her inconsiderate act of texting during a 3D showing of the superhero spectacle, Brandon Vezmar of Austin, Texas, is filing a small claims suit in Travis County for $17.31 plus damages, the price of his date's ticket, which he coughed up the cash for.

In a hilarious interview with the Austin American-Statesman, Vezmar claims he politely asked his date to stop her bad behavior, even suggesting that she exit the auditorium and text out in the lobby if her deplorable activity was so important to her. Obviously believing Vezmar was a bit off-kilter in his request, the girl vanished in her car, leaving the now-dateless dude without a ride home.

While I've personally experienced many an unmemorable date at the multiplex, including the heinous theft of my Nestle Crunch Nuggets by a sinful gal, and an epic bout of stealth snoring, I've never actually turned to our nation's legal system for the justice I so deserved.

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Numerous attempts to contact his ex-date were met with refusal to pay his named amount, thus resulting in the legal action procured. In Vezmar’s official petition against the anonymous woman, he declared that “While damages sought are modest, the principle is important as defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society.”

Tim League of the Alamo Drafthouse, the theater chain where the incident transpired, has generously offered to refund the litigious gentleman's money in the form of a gift certificate, but no response has been received. When the offending gal was contacted by the Statesman, she vehemently defended herself over the simple slight.

“I’m not a bad woman,” she told the Statesman. “I just went out on a date.” 

Word of this absurdity even reached the director of the notorious movie, James Gunn, to which he responded in typical fashion:

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Frivolous lawsuits like this clog our courts, and hopefully this matter is settled in a sane manner. Until then, better pocket that cell phone and hope no lawyers are nearby if you happen to sneak a text message in during a Marvel movie.

(Via Jezebel)