The best and funniest theories about Rian Johnson's new Star Wars trilogy

Contributed by
Nov 10, 2017

Mere hours after the announcement from Disney's Bob Iger that The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson will be helming an all-new Star Wars trilogy, the Internet is already losing its collective hive mind. There's no doubt that the galaxy far, far away is vast beyond belief and ripe for new stories, but what would an entirely new focus on the franchise look like? For the last 40 years, we've been raised on a steady diet of rebels and stormtroopers, Jedi masters and Sith Lords, Wookiees and Windus. The Expanded Universe of books was disavowed like a rogue Mission: Impossible agent when J.J. Abrams entered into the picture, so where does Johnson begin?

Luckily, we don't have to brainstorm alone, because there's an entire corner of the Internet where people are able to offer their own opinions on the matter. Twitter. You will never find a greater hive of scum and villainy. Just kidding, we love ya, Twitter, some cantina humor before the main event. Without further ado, here are the best ideas for the new trilogy put forth so far by the people of the World Wide Web.

Where do we begin?:

This person brings up what we were saying above. Gotta use this as a rubric before taking the next step, Johnson!

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Some heartfelt words:

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Porg Wars:

Billion-dollar idea: Re-edit that battle on Kashyyyk in Revenge of the Sith to replace all the Wookies with Porgs. Even Yoda needs to be turned into a Porg. No exceptions!

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So simple, yet so elegant:

There's more to this mythos than just Jedis and Siths. As Kylo Ren says in The Last Jedi trailer, "Let the past die, kill it." Obviously, that doesn't mean forget all of Star Wars. We simply mean create something new that will become a classic in its own right.

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Hey, it worked for Deadpool:

For some context, Darth Bane was a Sith Lord who lived 1000 years before Episode I and established the rule that there can only be one Sith master and apprentice in existence at one time. He appeared in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, a Dark Horse comics series, and several Expanded Universe novels. However, these appearances are no longer canon according to Disney/Lucasfilm.

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When in doubt, Marvel it!:

Using the Marvel comics based on characters the main movies don't have time for isn't such a bad idea. But again, that's using what's already come before. For some context, Dr. Chelli Lona Aphra was a droid-owning assassin archaeologist recruited by Darth Vader after the destruction of the first Death Star. Her murderous droid companions were named 0-0-0 and BT-1.

Aphra helped Darth Vader in building up a clandestine army and weapons cache after he'd fallen out of the Emperor's favor. However, in light of Lord Vader's volatile nature, and Aphra's own double-dealing ways, she eventually parted ways with the Empire. Created by writer Kieron Gillen and Salvador Larocca, the character has been compared to Indiana Jones and Han Solo. In addition, Aphra is the first character not seen on screen to get her own solo comic series at Marvel.

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The black sheep of the family:

An interesting chapter in the Star Wars money-making narrative. A summary won't do it justice, so here it is explained in full, from the Star Wars wiki:

Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire was a multimedia project created by Lucasfilm Ltd. in 1996. The original idea was to create an interquel, a story set between the films Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (a period which no Star Wars book had portrayed before), and to explore all commercial possibilities of a full motion picture release, without actually making the film. The venture paved the way for the theatrical releases of the original trilogy Special Editions in the following year, and the later releases of the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

So, a film, but not a film. Ambitious, to say the least, Shadows of the Empire was comprised of a novel, a junior novelization, a six-issue comic series, a video game, trading cards, a soundtrack, a role-playing game, toy figurines, a series of MicroMachines toys, vinyl dolls and statuettes, model kits, and a line of new action figures and vehicles.

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Ancient Empire vs. Ancient Republic:

Star Wars: Knight of the Old Republic is a series of RPG, multiplayer video games set 4000 years before The Phantom Menace during a time of all-out war between the Sith Empire and the Galactic Republic. The highly popular brand is made of several games, expansions, a novel, and a Dark Horse comic.

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The age-old question:

We'd be down for an entire Greedo trilogy if it definitively tells us who shot first!

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Jedis and smugglers who no longer exist (we think):

Both of these characters are members of the Expanded Universe, so they are technically no longer canon. However, they're both super-interesting individuals. Katarn was a member of the New Jedi Order under Luke after the fall of the Empire at the Battle of Endor. Since Kylo Ren is the only protege of Luke's that we've seen, it's probably safe to assume Katarn won't be showing up. Nevertheless, we don't know how many new Jedi hopefuls Luke took on, and the trailer for The Last Jedi hints that Kylo and the First Order may have gotten down to killing some younglings. Besides, Kyle Katarn sounds too similar to Kylo Ren.

Then we've got Rendar, a smuggler and old friend of Han Solo's. In fact, Rendar is also Corellian, just like Han, and even fought at the Battle of Hoth. Perhaps we might get to meet him in Solo: A Star Wars Story.

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Hooray!