Why The Goonies could never be remade (until now, maybe)

Contributed by
Mar 31, 2017

Sometimes a movie comes along that hits all the right notes at all the right times and involves all the right people. In 1985, a movie came along that did all those things -- The Goonies. And if you were a kid when you saw it (and if you saw it within a decade or so of its release), you probably had dreams about being a Goonie, chasing down pirate treasure, fighting off gangsters, and avoiding booty traps. Ahem. Booby traps. That's what I said.

But instead of being an enduring classic, The Goonies has gone on to be considered one of the quintessential examples of a movie that is a product of its time. Despite what seemed like an eternal appeal for children, most kids noawadays have never heard of The Goonies. And even if they have, their attachment tends to come from the secondhand nostalgia of their parents.

I've heard many theories for why The Goonies didn't stand the test of time -- it's racist, it's ableist, it's kinda sexist, it's ... a bad movie. But, y'all, and I'm not here to dispute you, has the thought not occured that very many pieces of consumable popular media are also all of the above and yet have retained their seeming-permenance in the cultural lexicon?

Since The Goonies is (and I swear this is not an ad) set to air on Syfy throughout April,  I came back to thinking about its of-a-timeness. I wanted to think of all the social, political, economical, and even medical reasons The Goonies didn't remain as popular as some of its peers. After a lot of soul-searching, researching, dog house and outhouse searching, I think I've figured it out. And, holiday, bonus, I also think I figured out why The Goonies might get a popular (and remade/sequelized) sometime very soon.

So, without further ado, let me explain ... The Goonies.

 

That's what I think anyway. But let's make this a dialogue, why not? Let us be Goonies of a feather who media analyze together. Did you watch The Goonies as a kid? Did you never say die? Did you love it? Do you still? Why do you think it didn't maintain its popularity? Do you agree that a sequel/reboot could happen now? Do you even want one? Let me know. And, hey, if you're reading this in time, maybe watch you some Goonies in April.