Yesterday, the creepy opening credits for American Horror Story: Cult crawled onto your computer screen. Now the official trailer (probably not suitable for coulrophobes) has finally materialized to leave you speculating long into the night.
When the results of the 2016 election left some voters shrieking in horror and others gyrating against the TV in a twisted sort of ecstasy, we saw at least one of the things, besides clowns, that scares some characters the most. But there will be clowns. You know that three seconds of anything having to do with this season can’t pass without the greasepainted and often bloodstained face of a clown flashing at you. Something about the election put Ally’s coulrophobia on steroids, and even her psychiatrist can’t figure out the sudden clown-induced panic attacks.
She sees them everywhere. Of course, nobody else does, until someone starts bleeding.
It might have something to do with her son’s obsession with Twisty the Clown, who has been resurrected from Freak Show to—I don’t know exactly what he and his insane clown posse are going to do, but it seems homicidal. Why any kid would want to read the Twisty the Clown Chronicles is beyond me, and I was that one odd child who was actually fascinated with clowns. Except the clowns I’d see in the circus while slurping a sno-cone weren’t even scarier incarnations of John Wayne Gacy.
That ice cream truck parked outside in the middle of the night does little to convince me that John Wayne Gacy wasn’t the inspiration for this three-ring murder circus.
Then we get a glimpse of Evan Peters’ admittedly awesome blue hair as his character Kai asks Winter (Scream Queens’ infamous Chanel #3, Billie Lourd) what fills her heart with dread. Her answer could lead to one of those homicidal babysitter situations. She expertly lies to Ally that she loves children, after saying that it’s children that make her blood run cold. And yours will too when you see what she gives Ally’s son as a gift. If I were him, I’d throw that thing in the gutter and never look back.
And then we have even more clowns creeping up on doors and smashing windows, not to mention the one in Darth Vader robes coasting down the halls of a supermarket on a scooter, presumably with some sort of crude weapon. This isn’t counting the horrible mask that will imprint itself in your nightmares until, knowing Ryan Murphy’s mastery of unexpected shocks, something else predictably jumps out to terrify you even more.
What did I tell you about the infestation of clowns this season?
American Horror Story: Cult premieres Sept. 5 on FX.