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The 8 best pieces of relationship advice I've learned from Star Wars

Contributed by
May 27, 2018

True story: I once announced that I’d accept a Yoda Magic 8 Ball in lieu of an engagement ring. I’d had one as a kid, thanks to Scott Smith, who always came to my birthday parties bearing Star Wars gifts, and my mom decided that it didn’t need to come with us when we moved. It went to Goodwill and I never forgot it. When my similarly geek-minded boyfriend started talking marriage, I told him about the Magic 8 Ball, he quickly became highly skilled at eBay, and the rest of it is history.

It’s not surprising, then, that I’ve found ample relationship coaching in the wisdom of His Little Greenness, Obi-Wan, even Vader—as well as other, less Force-ful sources. I’m no relationship Jedi, but I can tell you that these Star Wars lessons have helped me out more than any Magic 8 Ball.

 

Let the Wookiee win

"I suggest a new strategy, R2: let the Wookie win." 
-- C-3PO to R2-D2

Why it works: Sometimes you’re better off admitting you’re a nerf herder and moving on. The key word here is strategy. The other person might not be right, but if they’re ready to throw you into the Sarlac pit, it’s time to concede.

Bring it on!

"Bring 'em on! I’d prefer a straight fight to all this sneakin' around!"
-- Han to Luke

Why it works: Because emotional sabotage is like trying to out-koan Yoda: a waste of time and energy. Have the fight and be done with it. Boom. 

Have faith

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
-- Darth Vader to Admiral Motti

Why it works: If you don’t believe in each other, you’ve got as much of a future as an Alderaan time-share; a lack of faith is as lethal as a successful Force choke.

We're all fools

“Who’s the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?”
-- Obi-Wan to Han

Why it works: Trick question! This is a Jedi master way of saying that you’re both fools in this scenario. Stop it.

Take charge

“Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage chute, flyboy!”
-- Leia to Han

Why it works: Occasionally, you have to seize the reins. Sometimes you have to jump into a pit of filth; sometimes you have to defrost your loved one from carbonite.

Don't try to change someone

Luke’s just not a farmer, Owen. He has too much of his father in him.
-- Aunt Beru to Uncle Owen

Why it works: Don’t try and make someone into something they are not. If your beloved wants to be a pilot, don’t try and make them a farmer because YOU want stability on Tatooine. Even if you do think it will lead to the destruction of the Galaxy.  

Stay on target

Stay on target.
--Gold Five to Gold Squadron

Why it works: Whether defeating the Empire or getting through Ikea, couples with the same goals are likelier to survive obstacles in one piece (sorry).

The Force will be with you

The Force will be with you. Always.
-- Obi-Wan to Luke

Why it works: A truly unified couple really does have a sustaining bond that protects and binds them. Trust in the Force and “always” seems possible, just like destroying the Death Star with a single shot.