Congratulations! You made it to the end of another very long week where way too much happened for anyone with a life to keep it all straight.
The good news (for you) is that I am paid to not have a life beyond staring at nerdy news. So I can, in a very professional manner, tell you what the five biggest stories this week were. I'm not including Black Panther, though. Yes, it's being screened now. Yes, the reviews are great. But I'm putting big BP on the back burner because he's literally all anyone will be talking about next week when the movie goes wide.
So, if not Black Panther, what and who else is occupying our thoughts?
SUPER BOWL STRIKES AGAIN
Oh, right! Sports! The Giant Birds won! I'm very knowledgeable about sports.
But for those of you who are not enormo sport fanatics (as I so obviously am), there were still the ads. Ah, yes. So many vied for our attention, and some even did a good job! Lexus is still banging out those Black Panther spots (oops, I talked about him anyway). Now, instead of jumping on a Lexus, he also drives one! Do you drive a Lexus? "You should," says Black Panther. Not me, though. I'm no corporate shill.
Anyway, the new trailer for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom looks great, right? Honestly, I think the Jeep ad with Jeff Goldblum getting away from the T-rex was arguably the best.
Obviously, though, the big trailer was for the new Star Wars movie, Solo. We got the tease in the commercial and then the full trailer online. People have a lot of questions, people are excited, some people are still very wary. Thoughts! People definitely have them about Star Wars. Surprise, surprise.
But there was one other thing that came out of the Super Bowl that we have to talk about ...
THE CLOVERFIELD MYSTERY PARADOX
By now, we have this notion that a Cloverfield movie could pop up from anywhere. Have you checked under your couch cushions lately? Might be some loose change under there.
But if you're looking for the new Cloverfield movie, it's on Netflix. It was announced on Super Bowl Sunday, and then it was on later that same night. It was the full Beyonce, if Lemonade had really mixed reviews.
The Cloverfield Paradox explains (or tries to explain) what the connecting tissue is for all the Cloverfield movies so far, and for all the Cloverfield movies yet to come. And, since people definitely feel strongly about Cloverfield, the idea of trying to explain anything about it elicited some very potent opinions.
The Cloverfield Paradox took the franchise to space, but it wasn't the only space travel we saw this week.
FLYING CARS (SORT OF)
When I was a kid, we got to look up and wonder as space shuttles were launched toward the heavens. There hasn't been anywhere near as much of that of late. But Elon Musk has been trying hard to change that, and this week he really did it.
SpaceX launched the Falcon Heavy on Tuesday. It isn't actually going to Mars, but it will be the proof that SpaceX has the tech and the know-how to actually do it. Not only that, but they also launched one of the Tesla model cars into space with the Falcon Heavy as "Space Oddity" by David Bowie played.
There are a ton of technical details, which you can read here. The bottom line, though, is that people were very happy. It was some cool space s*** and we genuinely don't get anywhere near enough of that anymore.
CLEVER PORTMANTEAU COMBINING STAR WARS AND GAME OF THRONES
Do you remember the first time you tried to drink orange juice right after you brushed your teeth? Or the first time someone got you to eat bacon covered in chocolate?
Well, depending on who you are, the latest Star Wars news is like either one or the other for you. Disney announced this week that another new series of Star Wars movies will be written and produced by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, aka the Game of Thrones boys.
On the plus side, Game of Thrones is basically the most successful prestige TV show of the last decade. It's beautiful, it has a rich universe full of complicated characters and shocking plot developments. Star Wars could use that! Right? There are so many planets and plenty of opportunity to explore different races and families and political intrigue.
Of course, Game of Thrones is also really, uh ... rapey? Guys, I know some of you hate hearing criticism of your fave show, but Game of Thrones has and likely always will have this problem where women are naked and have their agency taken away WAY TOO MUCH. It's a lot. People are allowed to hate that. It's a very valid criticism of everyone's fave fantasy show with baller dragons and violent murders.
There are articles out there that are pro R-rated Star Wars, but let's just say it's not a popular position and there's a pretty solid counterargument for why Benioff and Weiss are not the dudes for that particular job.
DEAPOOL 2 IS GOOD, BUT VENOM IS ... WHERE'S VENOM?
A Deadpool 2 trailer dropped this week. People liked it! But people don't really like talking about things they think look basically cool and funny and otherwise a'ight as much as they like making fun of the things they think look stupid and sad.
And, golly, this week sure did close out on that new Venom teaser trailer getting dragged. Bless you, Tom Hardy, for you and adorable animal videos are sometimes the only things that keep this cold, cold internet warm at night, but the Venom situation feels like Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Fant4stic combined. It doesn't feel like Venom, there's no Spider-Man, nobody asked for a lot of the back of Tom Hardy's head ... you get it: there are current U.S. presidents with higher approval ratings.
But, hey! People like to make jokes. The Venom teaser may not have given people much of anything else, but it did provide fodder for intense mockery. Yay?
Anyway, those were the biggest stories we saw drop this week. What were the biggest stories from your week? And what do you think about these stories?