Hello, friend. Is it still somehow winter where you are? Yeah. Same. But, hey, you made it to the end of this week, and, after next week? It's gonna be May. It's gotta be warm in May, right? Right?!
Also, it's 4/20, so... you know, there are ways to calm your nerves over how it's still frikkin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.
Anyway, Scandal ended this week, but since I've been told that technically isn't science fiction, here are the five other hottest stories to warm you from... The Week in Geek!
GREEN ARROW IS NOW WALMART BATMAN
There are certain truths universally acknowledged: that a single man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife, Han shot first,Super Mario Bros. is the best live-action video game movie (don't @ me), and you never, and I mean NEVER, come for Beyonce.
So (and, once again, I've been told this doesn't count as science fiction, but, whatever) Beyonce was at Coachella and kinda dominated it (as she does with all things) by having a tight set full of well-choreographed numbers featuring amazing costumes, marching bands, and Destiny's Child. Pretty exciting and noteworthy -- unless you're Arrow's, Stephen Amell, I guess? He tweeted:
Oh. Oh, honey. What did you do?
Now, look: maybe he meant that as "I'm too old and easily tired to stay up and watch Beyonce," but do not underestimate the dubious power of a poorly-worded tweet. And never underestimate the fury of the fans of Beyonce, who is probably more powerful at this point than most Egyptian pharoahs of old. What I'm saying is this: Don't mess with the Queen, Oliver!
Anyway, RIP Amell's mentions, but the upshot is that the Green Arrow has a new title: Walmart Batman. And, despite how Amell may feel about the rest of the response to his Beyonce tweet, he (and I think all of the rest of us) agree that Walmart Batman is a term that's here to stay.
PETER IS X-FORCE'S MOST RELATABLE TEAM MEMBER
A final Deadpool 2 trailer dropped this week. But it's not the description of Bedlam or Shatterstar that got people excited, it wasn't the slam on the DCEU, or The Goonies reference (I mean, I was excited about that, but, whatever) that thrilled the crowd. Nope.
It was Peter: the real hero of Deadpool 2, the best member of X-Force, the guy who has no powers but a mighty clean Twitter feed.
Yes, internet sleuths the world over (after they were done tormenting South Korean video game developers for thinking feminism might be okay) discovered that Peter has a verified (where's my blue check, Twitter) account. Does he reveal any huge spoilers from the movie? Nah. But he does reveal the huge spoiler that he's a nice guy who likes to #CleanItUp, loves bees, and also his wife is probs cheating him with her personal trainer.
Try to stay positive out there, Peter. Everyone here at SYFY WIRE is pulling for you!
SUPERMAN TURNS 80 (BASICALLY)
Superman's 80th birthday as it were isn't technically until May, but that hasn't stopped DC Comics from celebrating a month early with the release of Action Comics #1000 and a story from former Marvel scribe, Brian Michael Bendis, that's changing the history of Superman in a way that people are probably going to have feelings about.
Okay. So. This is the spoiler part. If you want to read the issue yourself, get thee hence, I guess. Go watch some of our videos about the Superman cartoon or Lois and Clark or all the weird places Superman has turned up in pop culture over the last eight decades.
Alright. Here we go. Superman and Supergirl face off against a very ugly alien foe whose name is Rogol Zaar who, allegedly, is the real reason Krypton was destroyed. He destroyed it. He hates all Kryptonians. Now he's back to finish the job.
So forget natural causes or Brainiac or any of the other weird reasons you thought Krypton was really destroyed. This dude with an extraneous "a" in his surname is the true culprit. Discuss.
OBAMA DIDN'T SAY THAT
It's been about a year since the University of Washington showed how they could take video of former (miss you, boo) President Barack Obama and craft eerily realistic videos of him saying things he never said.
Well, if you forgot about that horrifying glimpse into the future of ACTUAL fake news, Buzzfeed dropped a pretty funny (but also incredibly disturbing) video where Jordan Peele does a pretty spot on impression of Obama along with a corresponding video of Fauxbama.
It's creepy. It's kinda funny. But mostly it's a stark reminder of how easy it's becoming through our technological progress (and hubris) to fool people into believing things were said that were never said and convince people to believe that objective falsehoods are fact. "Stay woke, bitches" indeed.
AVENGERS DEATH POOL
There's a little known art-house film coming out next week: Avengers: Infinity War. You probably never heard of it, but I think it might end up being pretty popular.
Anyway, the movie that's been a decade in the offing has a lot of reasons to get people excited: all new team-ups, the first time we see what Thanos is really capable of... Hawkeye is probably gonna be there at some point? But the big story, the thing everyone is hypothesizing about is this: WHO GONNA DIE?
Everywhere you look, every comic shop you visit, every Twitter thread and meme has been adapted towards guessing who it might be? Vision? Is it Vision? He needs that stone in his head to live, right? Or is it Scarlet Witch? They're in love so, like, one of them has got to bite it at least, right? People love it when lovers are separated by oblivion! But also, Chris Evans is totally done with Captain America, so... he's gonna die? And Robert Downey Jr. is also kinda over Iron Man, so... also dead?
Is anyone making it to the end of the movie? Maybe the big twist is that everyone dies, including the audience. Guess we'll find out next week!
That's all for this week, folks. Happy 4/20. Smoke yourself into a coma, and I'll see you when you wake up, just in time to do our Avengers dance together.