OliveGardenBotTweet

This is probably what it'd look like if a really dumb bot wrote an Olive Garden commercial

Contributed by
Jun 14, 2018

The future may be terrible enough when the real bots finally take over, but until then, at least we have this frighteningly hilarious preview of all the lowbrow and mundane ways that AI will one day make our lives much, much dumber.

Twitter blew up this week when comedian Keaton Patti posted his latest piece of work: his script for what an Olive Garden commercial might look like if it were written by a bot that’d been subjected to 1,000 hours of real-life Olive Garden commercials (and lived).

So what happens when you cross your idea of an artificial intelligence with that rustic chain-restaurant charm, a sea of criminally happy couples, and all the salad and breadsticks you can stand? Well, a depopulated Italy for one thing (those poor, poor, tasty citizens), as well as foods we almost wish were on the menu: "defeated" pasta nachos and the mysteriously enticing “secret soup.”

We’d say Patti’s script, combined with a healthy serving of Saturday Night Live, might be the perfect recipe for something almost as sublime as sharing a Tour of Italy with a tableful of your most food-aroused and easily-amused friends.

Saturday Night Live on YouTube

This isn’t the first time Patti has riffed on the idea of what kind of sense a bot might make of all our cultural detritus. Back in March, he posted a faux AI script for the original Saw movie, using the same hilarious premise. The “bot” in that effort planted the fateful key “in one of your kidneys. The cool one.”

Of course there’s method behind Patti’s madness. With Olive Garden commercials already in comedians’ crosshairs for their improbably sumptuous, optimistic aura, why not, he reasoned, invite them to take a little ownership of the whole phenomenon? “Hey @olivegarden,” he shouted alongside the script — “let me know if you want to use this.”

Sounds like Patti might just be beating a fast path toward free tiramisu for life. We just hope the Olive Garden doesn't offer him the "defeated" version.