Watch: Conan the Barbarian in 2 minutes

Contributed by
Jul 25, 2017

Conan the Barbarian/Cimmerian will be celebrating his 85th birthday this year. He's been the subject of short stories, novels, comics, video games, and movies, all of wildly varying quality. But, hey, there must be some reason Conan has not only endured so long and but also helped launch Arnold Schwarzenegger's career, right?

The question isn't so much of Conan's importance in the canon of fantasy characters but of whether it's possible to sum him up in two minutes or less. Can it be done? And what Herculean hero would even attempt such a feat?

Yes. I can do it. It's me. I did it. I'm a hero.

Now, if someone at SYFY WIRE had the oversight to prevent me from making three shockingly bad Conan O'Brien jokes, these two minutes might have included the fact that Gail Simone will be writing a comic book crossover between Conan and Wonder Woman. C'est la vie. I'm telling ya now.

Was anything else critical missing from those two minutes? By all means, spend no more than two minutes saying so in the comments.