Van Helsing Episodes

Season

2

Episode

8

Big Mama

Vanessa is missing, having been whisked away by some well-armed goons in a helicopter at the end of last week, and Axel is not pleased. He’s the first to wake up, still in the field where they were taken out by the gas and he is ready to find his missing friend. He knows they weren’t military, and while he’s sure he knows which direction they went, Scarlett assures him he’s very, very wrong. And she’s not one to follow Axel’s lead. They head Scarlett’s way and the hunt is on.

The hunt, though, doesn’t last very long. They get pulled over by a group of police officers – apparently they still exist in the vampire apocalypse – who thankfully aren’t there to cause them trouble. They’re just curious and interested in inviting the group back to their place for some food and a shower. The group is suspicious, especially when the cops take their weapons. Don’t touch the weapons. Scarlett keeps a knife because she’s not stupid.

Elsewhere in the world, Lucky and Flesh are on their own hunt for Mohamad when they also get waylaid, this time by Dimitri and his vampire minions who have a group of human prisoners. They follow them through the woods until they stop for the night, then free as may of the prisoners as possible.

A tour of the facility brings the rag tag group into the "heart" of their new way station, the armory, which is really, really well stocked and Walt, their host, is very excited about all the guns. Axel asks if they might be willing to share (or trade) some bullets, since they're running low, but Walt is NOT having that. He offers them food, a shower, a place to sleep and some gas and then they're gone in the morning. Hospitality only goes so far.

Of course, our band of heroes aren't exactly going to take no for an answer, now are they? After all, they're about to go up against some well-armed men in a helicopter. Axel assures Scarlett that they'll be leaving with some of those weapons, but first, why pass up a good meal? 

Dinner, though, is a lot more than they bargained for as Axel and Scarlett discover when they head into the kitchen. Where do you find an endless supply of meat in a Vampire Apocalypse? From Vampires, obviously. We don't know if they're aware of this, but Vampires are (or used to be) people. Yay, cannibalism?

They are appropriately grossed out, but Walt defends their food source, talking about how tasty it is as he and the others grab the vamp, nail her to the table and hit her with a drill to the forehead so they can cook her alive.

Cannibalism is the signal to our heroes that maybe it's time to get the hell out of dodge. Scarlett and Axel make a break for the armory while Doc steals some toilet paper and Julius heads to the kitchen to put the vampires out of their misery. Julius' humanity, though, gets him caught by Big Mama whom he stabs in the chest with a knife. While they manage to make it back to Wanda just fine, killing one of their own has set the folks in the bunker on edge. They manage to capture and tie up our heroes and we discover that Walt isn't just a misogynist; he's also a racist!

Scarlett manages to get an upper hand thanks to her handy hidden knife … for about 5 seconds before getting a 12-gauge pointed at her head. In an effort to keep Scarlett alive, Julius comes clean about his vampiric past, then Doc, then Axel. Doesn't help though. The response is just "I wonder what they taste like" which, admittedly, you had to see coming.

So now it's time for a test to see if they're really human or vampires in disguise and for this we're taking a page out of the Salem Witch Trials. They string the whole group up on the roof and plan to toss them off one by one. If they die, then they were humans. If they live, then they were vampires and they get eaten. Foolproof, plan. How have these guys made it this long?

The "trial" is cut short by the arrival of the Sisterhood. Despite Scarlett's warnings, our local idiots decide to "go down and talk to them" which is probably not the greatest idea. Of course, we'll have to wait to find out.