I didn’t watch Iron Fist when it came out. At first, I was upset because of the racist nature of the white savior narrative — yes, Danny Rand is traditionally a white man in the comics, but there’s no reason they couldn’t have updated the story on screen. After all, Marvel has done it before. Casting an Asian-American man as Danny Rand would have provided such an interesting narrative, and new dynamics for them to explore.,
After the reviews for the show starting coming out, though, I couldn’t help but be amused by just how scathing they were. They pretty much all mentioned the offensive nature of the story in terms of race, but also apparently Iron Fist was just ... boring. Something about Finn Jones playing Danny Rand onscreen was the opposite of compelling. Nothing I read about the show made me want to watch it.
However, I’ve generally enjoyed the Netflix/Marvel collaboration, so I knew I wanted to watch The Defenders. It took me a while to get there because, frankly, there is too much good TV these days and it’s impossible to keep up. But I finally watched it, and enjoyed it for the most part.
Except for Danny Rand. As I was watching, I made a list of all the things that are more interesting to watch onscreen than Danny Rand. I initially tweeted that Danny Rand was about as interesting as wet paint. Twitter had something to say about that, and I was forced to admit that I was, in fact, being too mean to wet paint.
In case you needed it, here is a list of other things that are more interesting than watching Danny Rand on screen:
(1) People-watching at the DMV because you forgot to bring a book to read.
(2) The chemistry between the actors in 50 Shades of Grey.
(3) Plain skim milk.
(4) Waiting for a treadmill to free up at the gym.
(5) Raisin Bran.
Putting raisins in cereal is a terrible idea. Who first thought, “You know what this milk needs? RAISINS!”
(6) Instant plain oatmeal.
(7) This 10-hour video of Darth Vader breathing.
(8) The 50-page descriptions in Les Miserables (the book).
(9) Lying awake at night thinking of all the things you didn’t get done.
(10) Cleaning out your email inbox.
(11) Looking for a phone charger.
WHERE IS IT?
(12) Sitting through an update of your video game console when you just want to play a game.
(13) Being asked by Netflix whether you’re still watching.
Dammit Netflix, yes I’m still watching. Stop judging me.
(14) Watching Kass’s stupid hero song every time he offers to play it for you in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
(15) Muting the commercials because they are SO MUCH LOUDER than the actual content.
Why why WHY
(16) Watching Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and skipping the Wonder Woman scenes.
Why you’d do this to yourself, I don’t know.