Some of us were obsessed with dinosaurs before dinosaurs were a pop culture phenomena, but you have to admit that if Jurassic Park didn't make you want to put a plastic version of every single prehistoric reptile on your shelf, nothing did.
Mementos from the theme park that should have never happened didn't just stop at toys, figurines, and action figures, though. Throughout the '90s, their DNA extended to everything from McDonald's packaging to terrifying theme park ride souvenirs to handheld games to that one Lite Brite set that never let you sleep.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom now has us seeing a resurgence in everything dinosaur and has hatched even stranger species of merch. You can now mount a raptor that looks like it's busting through your wall. Shoes now look like that infamous Ford Explorer. T-Rex sunglasses actually exist.
Danger: You are now entering wild and sometimes ridiculous territory.
Jurassic Park III Lite Brite kit
Somehow, a T-Rex doesn't manage to look any less ferocious when rendered in rainbow lights. There were also other species of templates in this set. You could always use one of the herbivores as a trippy nightlight, but let's get real — the most ferocious lizard of all was what you went for if you were into psychedelic nightmares. Light always finds a way.
Barbasol Jurassic Park collector cans
When a movie uses your brand of shaving cream to create a cryocan to hold vials of dinosaur embryos — even if the purpose was for Dennis Nedry to smuggle them out of the lab — you totally want to capitalize on that. Barbasol did just that by altering the genes of their shaving cream to look like a Pteranodon (Original) or Velociraptor (Soothing Aloe). Shave at your own risk.
Entertainment Earth raptor claws
Borrow Blue's look and morph your hands into these reptilian claws that might be the best dino gag ever. You'll have to (temporarily) devolve and sacrifice the advantage of five fingers and opposable thumbs, but it will be so worth it when you successfully freak your next victim out when they realize the thing tapping them on the shoulder is definitely not human.
Jurassic Park Explorer Nike Dunks
Dinosaur shoes are nothing new. Shoes that look like scaled-down versions of the original Jurassic Park Explorer in radioactive shades of red, yellow, and green? You don't see that outside Isla Nublar. These dino-fied Nike Dunks by Danny's Custom Shoes have that same reptile-skin paint job with the iconic Jurassic Park skeleton logo. Unlike the car, there aren't any T-Rex teeth marks — yet.
Because bringing the most vicious attraction in Jurassic Park to life just wasn’t enough, dino DNA has now been merged with Slimer's. Meadowknight has genetically engineered the ultimate Jurassic Park-Ghostbusters mashup monster that takes shape from globs of green ectoplasm. Let's hope this hybrid takes after Slimer in the sense that it prefers to scarf down hamburgers over raw flesh.
Unicorn head mounts are so last year. Wouldn't you rather give your décor a genetic upgrade with a Raptor head and claws that appear to be quite literally busting through your walls? It's kind of like a prehistoric "Heeeeeere’s Johnny!" moment, except with much fiercer teeth than Jack Nicholson's. Extra points for this thing freaking out unwanted guests.
Burger King Jurassic Park: The Lost World Watches
When Burger King put out these watches as a promo for Jurassic Park when it first stomped into theaters in 1993, I wanted one. I wanted all of them. Some of these watches are still crawling around eBay, though they probably need some fresh batteries by now.
Dennis Nedry action figure
So many questions. Why does this action figure look more like the Terminator than Dennis Nedry? Why does it appear that he suddenly took working out too seriously? Where's the Hawaiian shirt? Why is he wielding a badass blaster instead of the cryocan?
The sculptor must have created a prototype before he had any idea Wayne Knight was cast. That's the only way to explain this.
Entertainment Earth Dilophosaurus Uno game
This is no ordinary species of Uno game. This is a genetically engineered subspecies that will use the Attack! Attack! command card to spit the rest of the deck in your face. If the disembodied lizard head that holds the cards in its razor-sharp teeth isn't scary enough, eat this factoid: the real Dilophosaurus never had a fancy ruff or venom glands. InGen just wanted something fiercer.
Milton Bradley The Lost World Final Flight handheld game
Back in the era when teachers were always confiscating Game Boys and anything remotely similar, the fearsome T-Rex skeleton molded into the plastic of this addictive Milton Bradley handheld LCD game might have scared off grabby hands. Even in 1996, this thing came loaded with 10 levels and fearsome sound effects. It even had automatic shutoff (because batteries).
Funko Pop! Dilophosaurus
You can't possibly overlook the whole herd of Funko Pops that shook the Earth (and every other booth at Comic-Con) in the wake of the Jurassic Park franchise, but the Dilosphosaurus has to be the coolest one in existence. Somehow Funko managed to make a creature on the verge of devouring Dennis Nedry remotely cute. You could get the version that isn't ready to fire poison in your face, but why?
Jurassic Park The Ride souvenir cups
There is possibly nothing creepier or more satisfying than guzzling soda from the head of a T-Rex or a poison-spiting Dilophosaurus. These are infinitely cooler than any water bottle; water bottles can't flash their teeth at anyone who wants to steal your drink. If you never got to pick one up after surviving the Universal Studios ride, you can still stalk them on eBay.
Sideshow T-Rex vs. Velociraptors figurine
So many T-Rex figures from scenes in Jurassic Park have shown this species either standing majestically or showing off its power as king of the dinosaurs with a massive, soundless roar. This is that reality cast in resin: blood, gore, and raptor bites. Dinnertime for this beast was not G-rated, and neither was the movie, so why should a 3D take on its violent dino-eat-dino finale be?
Hatching raptor tie
This could possibly be the freakiest tie to ever be worn outside the InGen offices. The baby raptor is kind of cute in a creepy I-will-bite-your-hand-off-when-I'm-big-enough kind of way, made even more ominous by what looks like potentially lethal blood spatter. Wear this and your boss may think twice before hatching any surprise overnight projects on you.
Jurassic World T-Rex sunglasses
Forget designer labels and extra bling. What you really want in a pair of sunglasses is the carnivore vibe. The ferocious jaws of a T-Rex appear to be crunching the lenses, and anyone who wants to mess with you will have to look the predator in his angry yellow eyes first. UV400 protection will shield your eyes from the sun while Rex takes care of anyone staring.
McDonald’s Jurassic Park Supersize fry box
Supersizing has gone extinct, but back in the days when it still roamed McDonald's, so did these monster french fry boxes. This vintage packaging fossil has a genius design: it has teeth, claws, and is basically a gaping cardboard T-Rex mouth meant to be stuffed with fries. It isn't just fierce in the front, either: the back is the Jurassic Park gate opening up to a huge roar.
Hydraulic baby Stegosaurus prop
This is the actual Stegosaurus hatchling who is quickly snapped up by Julianne Moore in The Lost World: Jurassic Park before its parents decide who's boss — proof that even herbivores can invade your nightmares. The exposed hydraulics transform this seven-foot reptile into a Frankenstein-esque creature you might find in a prehistoric haunted house. That it sold at auction for $32,500 is even scarier.