'Tis the season, friends, not just for candy canes and shopping for presents and drinking way too much eggnog, but also for digging up those terribly awful Christmas movies that all our genre faves starred in early on in their careers. Pick anyone at random and chances are they have at least one cheesy, made-for-TV flick on their resume.
It's certainly true for Outlander's Sam Heughan and Supergirl's Katie McGrath, who, once upon a time (aka, six years ago) acted together in a little Christmas romance preciously titled A Princess for Christmas.
Is it a genre movie? Not technically. But it stars some of our biggest genre faves here on FANGRRLS, so we thought we'd make it the latest recipient of a holiday-themed Deja View.
1. First of all, watching this movie is very jarring after having been the FANGRRLS’ Outlander recapper for the past two seasons. Sam Heughan plays a Brit in this and it makes things feel so very off, somehow.
2. However, Katie McGrath remains a level-10 stunner, so at least something is consistent in this movie. The same cannot be said for her accent. Oops.
3. Her character, Jules, works in an antique shop in Buffalo (which I guess is this movie’s way of saying she lives in the middle of nowhere with no marriage prospects and no solid goals outside of traveling the world one day), but based on this storefront it mostly just looks like she works in Hogsmeade?
4. In a small town, the only activity kids seem to have for fun is shoplifting M-rated video games from the local rental store. Oh, and the guy who works there is called Psycho Bob, which I’m sure is just a charming nickname and not indicative of anything in regards to his mental state.
5. Jules’ boss is a total dick who can’t even wait to fire her until after Christmas because business is apparently down — which I call BS on, because you know if there’s one city in which antiquing is probably a pretty cush way to make a living, it’s Buffalo.
6. Anyway, so it turns out Jules’ sister and brother-in-law died last Christmas, which means she’s become the legal guardian of her niece Maddie and nephew Milo (the latter of whom swiped that video game), and they’re such terrors that their nanny has quit and now Jules has no job on top of everything else? This is definitely the moment when the handsome prince is going to swoop in and…
7. Okay, maybe not. This guy’s name is Paisley Winterbottom. I did not make it up. He says it. It is a thing that he says.
8. So Jules isn’t secretly royalty, but her brother-in-law was, and even though his dear old dad shunned him for marrying Jules’ sister, he’s extending an invitation to Jules and the kids to visit him at Christmas. In a castle. Where there will probably be a hot prince. It’s a given. Right?
9. When Katie McGrath cries, I cry, even when it’s a scene in which her character is talking to her dead sister.
10. Jules is mixing a lot of really… unique patterns in her knitwear here. And I’m not so sure she’s pulling it off.
11. The snooty housekeeper at Grandpa Royal’s house openly judges Jules for having packed romance novels in her suitcase. Look, there’s not THAT much to do in a place that’s literally called Castlebury Hall. Let a girl have her books with shirtless dudes on the covers.
12. Bump into a prince, cause a little minor property damage. All in a day’s work for our girl Jules.
13. So Ashton is the hot prince and the brother of Jules’ brother-in-law. I’m sure that shared grief will lead to some iiiiinteresting connections. With feelings. And touching mouths.
14. Grandpa Richie Rich is ROGER MOORE?! This movie lucked out in so many ways.
15. This film also gives Katie McGrath the chance to call Roger Moore a “dingle dork.” I’m just going to leave that there.
16. I’m calling the plot of this movie now, which is that Jules is going to help reintroduce the spirit of Christmas back into the house and into the heart of Gramps Roger Moore, all while finding love with Ashton and his baby face.
17. Seriously, LOOKIT THE BABY FACE.
18. I should’ve counted on the chick that gets thrown into the mix as a bit of competition for Ashton’s affections. They’re not engaged but they might as well be, but Jules tosses her epic antique knowledge around to knock Snarky Romantic Rival down a peg.
19. Oh, and Jules falls a lot. That’s another thing this movie likes to have her do.
20. Regardless of Jules’ earlier fashion mishaps and literal stumblings, THIS dress is super cute and I kind of want it.
21. Sam Heughan in a sweater firing a bow and arrow is a Big Mood, one I’m almost willing to overlook the lack of Scottish accent for.
22. Ashton teaching Jules how to waltz is also a mood and a pretty precious one at that.
23. There is an actual waltzing montage in this movie set to music from The Nutcracker. Jules is getting better over time! And Ashton is loosening up! He lets her RUFFLE HIS HAIR.
24. “I know you’re a prince, but I think you’ve got some gangster in there somewhere.” READER, I SCREAMED.
26. It’s time for the classic misunderstanding in any romance, where Jules THINKS Ashton and Grandpa Roger Moore are talking sh*t about her when they’re definitely talking about someone else. Who will clear all this confusion up?!
27. We are all Maddie eating a bag of potato chips while wearing a fancy dress.
28. Oh, but Jules needs her own Cinderella moment, which she gets thanks to the servants at Castlebury! And Ashton realizes how shallow and vapid his intended actually is, just in time to see how FOINE Jules looks! It’s all coming together!
29. But just wait: who will Jules practice her new waltzing abilities with? Could it be… The PRINCE?
30. Get you a prince who says he holds you in the highest possible regard. He also calls Jules “funny, smart and surprisingly funky,” and says she “absconded with [his] heart” which, eh. You could’ve stopped at the regard part, dude.
31. “You’re the prince of Castlebury; I’m just a poor girl from Buffalo.” “Exactly.” WHAT? THAT’S NOT AN ANSWER, ASHTON. YOU'RE JUST AGREEING WITH WHAT SHE ALREADY SAID.
32. So Snarky Romantic Rival tries to one-up Jules by telling Gramps Roger Moore that she’s been fired from her job, Maddie has a chip addiction (which, same) and Milo is a kleptomaniac. These are not big revelations or even something that should necessarily disqualify someone from marrying a prince, but guess there’s gotta be drama sometime.
33. Oh and then they get married at the end because of course, but has Jules actually achieved the title of becoming a Princess by Christmas? There’s no snow on that ground. Also, the butler and the housekeeper get together at the end, Parent Trap-style, so it’s a win-win-win. And the real winner is me, for having made it through thanks to Katie McGrath's face.