I Know What You Did Last Summer premiered on October 17, 1997. It catapulted its young stars to fame. Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe and Freddie Prinze Jr.'s lives would never be the same (and not just because SMG and FPJ tied the knot after this).
I was 13 in 1997 and definitely too much of a weenie to see it. But since today is its 20th birthday and now I'm definitely old enough to handle a teen horror movie, I thought I'd give it a shot and see if it hooked me. Sorry, I'm not sorry. Here are 40 thoughts I had while watching I Know What You Did Last Summer for the very first time.
1. So, the lead names in this are Jennifer Love Hewitt followed by Sarah Michelle Gellar and then Freddie Prinze Jr. and Ryan Phillippe. Yay girl power??? But goodness, they all are such babies here.
2. Hold up. Anne Heche is in this movie? Is this how Anne Heche got famous? Didn’t Anne Heche date Harrison Ford? Should I just talk about Star Wars?
3. KEVIN WILLIAMSON WROTE THIS?????? OF DAWSON’S CREEK FAME???? AM I GOING TO LOVE THIS AS MUCH AS I LOVED DAWSON’S CREEK? (Spoiler: No.)
4. Oh hey, is not-Sebastian-Stan going to be the killer?
5. “I had no idea her breasts were so… ample.”
“She does those exercises to pump ‘em up”
Cool cool cool cool, I missed the subtle misogyny of the late 90s so much.
6. Her name is Helen Shivers? That feels like a very 70s scary movie name to me, not like Sydney. That feels 90s. I’m going to keep referencing Scream. It is superior, so far.
7. Note to self: add “twit with a wit” to my vocabulary immediately.
8. These kids are huge jerks and I officially do not care if they get murdered in this movie.
9. Freddie Prinze Jr. just well-actually’ed Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’ve decided that he is the Ross Geller of this friend group.
10. “I’ll let you impregnate me.” Cannot say that this dialogue is holding up particularly well.
11. OH MY GOD EW THE GUY’S BLOOD ENDED UP ON RYAN PHILLIPPE’S FACE.
12. What if I turn this off and just watch the Halloween episode of Boy Meets World instead?
13. How did Ryan Phillippe go from this garbage acting to Cruel Intentions? Wait, does Cruel Intentions not hold up? Oh god.
14. Starring Johnny Galecki as NOT SKEET ULRICH.
15. Sarah-Michelle-Gellar-Helen crying out “MY CROWN” as they dump the body of a man they just doomed to death by drowning is my aesthetic.
16. Wait, that 30 minutes was just the set-up? Readers, this movie is boring.
17. I appreciate that they leaned in hard to the 90s decision that women with straight hair and “no” make-up are sad.
18. Julie’s mom just asked her if she was on drugs and I’m wondering if maybe Kevin Williamson knew my mom in 1997.
19. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER! Did I write this note? What’s with the exclamation point?
20. Look, I knew Leonard-from-The-Big-Bang-Theory-who-is-not-Skeet-Ulrich was going to die but oh my goodness that was too much blood. It's possible I regret saying yes to doing this.
21. I am living for Sarah-Michelle-Gellar-Helen’s looks in this movie. Look at that armband!
22. My emotions are all over the place because 1997 Ryan Phillippe is very handsome and wouldn’t it just be a shame if his towel fell off?
23. Okay, reminder, I haven’t seen this movie so I don’t know how it ends. But my guess, after the point at which Ryan Phillippe gets hit by a car and is still alive, is that this is definitely a Dan-Humphrey-is-Gossip-Girl situation. Freddie Prinze Jr. is definitely the GOSSIP GIRL HOOK HAND MAN.
24. Why is Jennifer Love Hewitt wearing all the clothes and Sarah-Michelle-Gellar-Helen wearing none of them, I don’t understand the weather in this small fishing town.
25. I can’t believe Anne Heche is the best actress in this movie.
26. Sarah-Michelle-Gellar-Helen should feel thankful. That haircut is the best thing that's happened to her all movie.
27. The scene in The Craft where they make that blond girl’s hair actually fall out is significantly more terrifying than this scene.
28. This movie… does not have enough actual horror scenes. There is so much talking.
29. AND THEN THAT DEAD BODY IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR WITH CRABS COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH HAPPENED AND LET’S GO BACK TO TALKING SHALL WE.
30. It took over an hour and fifteen minutes for this movie to get interesting. I still think Gossip Girl is at least involved with our killer.
31. Why is the talent portion of this pageant all in a swim-suit? “Jesus.” Sarah-Michelle-Gellar-Helen mutters. “Same.” I reply to the television screen.
32. We didn’t see Barry actually get killed, is he in on it?
33. Oh, it’s Daddy Fisherman. Is Daddy Fisherman also FPJ's Daddy Fisherman?
34. Why would you cover yourself in plastic, Daddy Fisherman? I am screaming. That was such a bad move. Of course the girl's going to get away, you literally trapped yourself in opaque plastic.
35. I’m not sure I get why Daddy Fisherman killed Johnny-Galecki-not-Skeet-Ulrich and the sh*tstick sheriff from Mayberry.
36. A fisherman’s hook doesn’t seem like a good stabbing weapon. It wouldn’t really allow for that classic stab-stab-stab motion because I imagine it’d keep getting stuck in the skin. I’m sorry. It’s gross. But it’s true.
37. Freddie Prinze Jr. guppy-acts his way through this movie making the same exact open-mouthed face for 141 minutes.
38. The whole scene on the boat was so long. But I did love how they “killed” the murderer with a nautical Rube Goldberg machine.
39. Who brings mail into the shower? Thanks, Deb. I’ll read it when it’s nice and damp after I’ve finished.
40. Well, okay. That certainly was a movie.
Happy 20th, I Know What You Did Last Summer! See you in 2018 for I Still Know What You Did Last-Last Summer!