45 thoughts I had while watching Leprechaun

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Mar 17, 2018, 8:14 PM EDT (Updated)

Despite overwhelmingly negative reviews upon its release, the 1993 film Leprechaun has acquired something of a cult following and five sequels. Having never seen it before and with this the year of the film's 25th anniversary, what better way could I choose to spend my St. Patrick's Day (I can off the top of my head think of lots of ways, ranging from drinking to literally driving snakes out of Ireland because this is not a very good movie) than with a golden Deja View

  1. These are very impractical shoes for stairs. I’m concerned about him falling. There’s no railing. This is a safety nightmare.
  2. I genuinely can’t tell if this man is supposed to have an Irish accent or not. Or if his hair is supposed to be real or not. This is deeply upsetting.
  3. They’re broke but their house is full of Le Creusets? I CALL BULLSH*T.
  4. “Still like the gold buckles on me shoes?” No, Leprechaun, no I don’t. They’re hazardous.
  5. He just pushed the old Irish lady down the stairs. HE KNOWS THE DANGERS OF STAIRS AND HE KNOWS THEM WELL.
  6. Warwick Davis and this bad-hair man are having a bad-accent-off and there are no winners.
  7. God, speaking of hazardous, this guy is NOT being safe with this hammer and nail situation. 
  8. In fairness, this guy has basically been having a heart attack since the moment he appeared on screen. He’s 40% sweat, 55% heavy breathing, and 5% toupee. 
  9. “First of all, it’s not New Mexico. It’s North Dakota.” “Like it matters.” I mean, I’m sorry Jennifer Aniston, but that is QUITE the difference.
  10. “I’m going to be miserable here. There’s no swimming pool, there’s no shopping malls, there’s no cable. I bet they don’t even have a TV. This sure ain’t Beverly Hills.” Is Jennifer Aniston the heroine of the movie? Are we supposed to like her? Because she’s terrible. Cute purse though.
  11. OK the house is full of tarantulas and spiderwebs, I’m kind of siding with Aniston at this point. It’s also the house from the beginning so it definitely has a dead leprechaun in the basement, too. 
  12. Tad here (his name is not Tad but I am going to call him Tad) is literally flexing nonstop. WE GET IT, TAD.
  13. He also has a very Kristy McNichol haircut. 

  14. Oh good, this movie is giving us its important thoughts on gender from Haircut Tad over here.

  15. BUT HER RESPONSE MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT. We’ve got ‘90s movie bingo!

  16. OK I hate these two. I hate this child and I hate Francis from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Thanks a lot, movie.
  17. This movie spends a lot of time on the leprechaun’s feet. Did Quentin Tarantino direct this?
  18. Haircut Tad, Jennifer Aniston, Terrible Child, and Francis Buxton are all leprechaun hunting in the basement. It's annoying.
  19. “This is biodegradable, right?” LOL THE LA CHICK CARES ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT, WHAT AN IDIOT. - this movie, apparently.
  20. “We can get you an operation?” “For what?” “To make you smart.” Oh neat. This movie is doing great. We’ve got LOL GIRL, and now LOL GUY WITH THE INTELLECTUAL DISABILITY.
  21. Even after he kills people, he still shines their shoes? Even for a supernatural murderer, this gentleman is committed to his craft and you have to respect that.
  22. This movie’s weird. This is a really weird movie. 

  23. “I wanted a watercress salad and an Evian water.” This movie is deeply devoted to Aniston’s character’s awfulness and all, but I join her in her war against whatever iceberg nightmare is probably available at this diner.
  24. “You know, Tory, you look a little skinny. No offense, but you should have some meatloaf.” I HATE YOU HAIRCUT TAD.

  25. Jennifer Aniston is a vegetarian because this movie has fun notions of what an awful person is like, and Haircut Tad responds to this by condescendingly REMOVING HER SHOE FROM HER FOOT LIKE A GODDAMN CREEPSACK. DON’T INSULT A WOMAN’S APPEARANCE AND DON’T TOUCH HER FEET AND CERTAINLY DEAR GOD DO NOT DO BOTH THESE THINGS.

  26. So if he sees shoes he has to stop and shine them? He can trash a kitchen but heaven forfend a shoe be scuffed?
  27. “[handing Aniston a broom] You know how to work one of these, right?” Haircut Tad, you are 47 years old probably [edit: apparently he was 35 but that’s still 10 years on Aniston IRL, and she’s playing a teen, and the man has LIVED] and preying upon this teenager AND insulting her repeatedly and I am going to need you to stop.
  28. They’re not letting the leprechaun eat Haircut Tad and I don’t understand. 
  29. Can we talk about how Haircut Tad and Terrible Child are supposed to be brothers and this is very clearly a Jack Nicholson my-sister-is-my-mom-and-my-mom-is-my-grandma thing.
  30. OK, first, how are there so many readily available tiny cars? Second, he hit the truck mostly in its undercarriage at 15 mph and knocked it over? I’m starting to think this movie isn’t very realistic.
  31. Aw, she called a cell phone a portable. 

  32. LOL, WHAT? This bit really needed a Star Wars wipe. 

  33. Oh good, now it’s a French farce with ugly cabinets.
  34. “Diddly diddly dee-ah, a leprechaun is me-ah.” OK not one of his more clever tunes.
  35. Why do they keep shooting him? Bullets don’t affect him. This is just wasteful at a certain point. 
  36. Wait, I thought Old Man O’Grady died at the beginning of the movie? THIS MOVIE IS FILLED WITH LIES.
  37. So they attempt to defeat the leprechaun by throwing shoes at him and I’m not sure if this is an offensive stereotype or not. 
  38. Speaking of potentially offensive…

  39. Warwick Davis is owning every single tiny bit of his screentime though. In a world of Haircut Tads, be a Warwick Davis.
  40. Jennifer Aniston is being chased by an insane cackling creature and there is an argument to be made that this is a pre-Friends metaphor for Ross and Rachel.
  41. I mean he’s a magical being who can appear in various places—why does he need to concern himself with tiny cars, rollerskates, and wheelchairs?

  42. “Tori. We heard your screams.” Killer line read, Tad. Everyone else is COMMITTING full-stop and this chuckleknob is like “my flexing is my acting.” 
  43. “You’ve lost your faith. You’ve got to believe.” Wait does this movie think it’s an allegory about faith now? Literally what is happening.
  44. OK HOLD UP. One hour, 25 minutes into the film and we have my first genuine lol. Haircut Tad is STILL trying to shoot the leprechaun (LET IT GO, ELSA, GOD) and leprechaun runs by him and this happens: 

  45. They killed the leprechaun by turning him into a laser-light show and then blowing up a well in a way I don’t think is remotely possible but I don’t know what I seem to be expecting from this movie.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day I guess? Apologies to every Irish person.

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