I don't know about you, but I know I spend a lot (like, a lot, like too much, like an inordinate amount) of time on social media, both for work and to connect with friends. We've all been stabby once or twice in the course of our social media lives. However, killing people in the face or stabbing them repeatedly is both illegal and messy -- not to mention, involves leaving the house (no bueno) -- so I have to find other ways to cope when I don't have the option of just hopping offline, doing shots, or running off to Disneyland. Some days, it's cute animal pictures. But for those days where I'm feeling more snarky than sappy, I turn to that subgenre of distracting and amusing parody Twitter accounts. Here are eight genre-related accounts to give you a little boost when you're about to come out blasting or thinking of moving to Mars once that becomes an option.
1. Dad Joke Han Solo
There may be a generation that sees Han as the cocksure pilot with more swagger than Jagger, but it's completely plausible that his wise-cracking ways would veer into groan-worthy territory once he became a dad. Doesn't Han seem like that dad? You know, the one that is basking in the glory of embarrassing his offspring with lame one-liners and corny jokes?
Ben said if I tell more jokes he'll give me a "Force choke."
— Dad Joke Han Solo (@dadjokehansolo) June 21, 2016
I said I'll give him a "forced joke"!
Please how do I stop a Force choke?
Did you know that Boba Fett was searching for paper towels this whole time?
— Dad Joke Han Solo (@dadjokehansolo) October 24, 2016
It's true!
He is a Bounty™ hunter! pic.twitter.com/ChHn8ZVdJP
2. Emo Kylo Ren
When this account popped up, it was like someone heard the call of the internet. Of course it makes all the sense that Kylo Ren is an emo teen filled with angst and prone to temper tantrums rebelling against his idealistic parents. The Verge did a deep dive exploring the perfection behind the Emo Kylo Ren account, and pretty much nailed it. We may all disgaree about which Star Wars films are the best, but I think we can all agree this account rocks.
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) August 29, 2016
*violently overturns every table in the galaxy* https://t.co/cLaoMUDgDe
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) June 21, 2016
freezing his ball mid-air was not cheating
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) June 28, 2016
i was sick of hearing "who serves first? i serve first? you serve first?" https://t.co/pKpAgq3zqO
3. SarcasticRover
If robots were sentient, it's 100% believeable that their interactions with us would be dripping with disdain. Enter Sarcastic Rover, the sardonic alter ego of the Mars Curiousity Rover. Sarcastic Rover pretty much thinks everything we say is a waste of its time and feels dumber for having to have communicated with us. It ... might not be wrong, to be honest.
Have you tried turning your country off and on?
— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) November 9, 2016
Still have no idea if Mars has daylight savings time or not.
— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) November 6, 2016
Either way, I’m taking an hour-long nap.
Nickel-Iron is, like, the third best iron!
— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) November 3, 2016
(1. Iron Man 2. Iron Chef 4. Nine Iron 5. Iron Maiden 6. Iron On Patches) https://t.co/ZRGwv3CHcc
4. Swear Trek
No one is better at Star Trek than Swear Trek. The visionary show that brought us cell phones and tablets is the perfect source to shout an endless stream of expletives out into the abyss that is Twitter. You don't even need to be a fan of the show to enjoy it.
why even ask, you know the answer pic.twitter.com/WLtPDyHf47
— Swear Trek (@swear_trek) November 9, 2016
sorry, She-ra pic.twitter.com/9ECa9bOAi8
— Swear Trek (@swear_trek) November 5, 2016
a very special episode
— Swear Trek (@swear_trek) November 5, 2016
(for @meowclank ) pic.twitter.com/R6XNUY3Htx
5. Very Lonely Luke
With great power comes great lonlieness. And when you're the last of your kind in the whole galaxy, well, it's a bit of a bummer. Or maybe you'd rather be alone than be surrounded by mediocricy. Enter Lonely Luke, the pensive Jedi that spends a lot of time alone with nothing but his thoughts and his Twitter account. Thoughts from Ahch-To from Luke, the lonely Jedi.
Yoda used to brag about his awesome lightsaber.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) November 5, 2016
After he died, I found it in a trunk.
That thing was tiny.
I used it to slice bread.
As a Jedi, I'm dedicated to protecting all life.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) November 2, 2016
Except rancors.
And wampas.
And trash compactor monsters.
Basically, touch me and die.
For the record, R2-D2 doesn’t have a "low power mode."
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) October 24, 2016
He's always on.
If he doesn't respond, he didn't shut down
He's just being a jerk.
6. The Dark Lord Voldemort
He Who Must Not Be Named is on Twitter. And he's apparently a Beyonce fan. The Dark Lord's time line looks pretty much like the average tweeter's does, chock-full with a stream of consciousness that includes the election, the Superbowl half time show, and whatever the recent meme is sweeping the interwebz.
Muggle-borns at Hogwarts will probably walk into care of magical creatures and start throwing pokeballs.
— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) July 17, 2016
Fair enough. pic.twitter.com/eRv1IDhng6
— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) February 13, 2016
For someone who claims they want to "be like Darth Vader;" Kylo Ren has some serious Snape hair action going on...
— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) December 26, 2015
7. Darth
There's no shortage of parody Darth Vader accounts on Twitter, but none of them have the photoshop skills of Darth. And none of them are a fox. Darth's timeline is a mix of hilarious photoshops, dog pics, and sarcasm. He claims not to be the Darth we're looking for, but he definitely is.
"i am happy to offer my aid in the transition donald"
— darth™ (@darth) November 15, 2016
"no the bracelet is $10,800 ma'am the $8,800 one is without diamonds"@BraddJaffy pic.twitter.com/Ia7Gsulzl2
"...is sauron, and the ring is america it all makes perfect sen..."
— darth™ (@darth) November 11, 2016
"gandalf please" pic.twitter.com/iPMjlYV2Zq
"mister trump wanted an egg mcmuffin to start the day" pic.twitter.com/UMS9tHSiGP
— darth™ (@darth) November 8, 2016
8. DystopianYA
As a fan of Dystopian YA, this gets so many things...right. I laugh because it cuts so deep. Then again, this may stop being funny the closer it gets to being reality.
All of our memories are uploaded to the Server. But who is this boy who keeps showing up in my Memory Viewings? I've never met him before...
— Dystopian YA Novel (@DystopianYA) October 27, 2016
Ermias was Chosen to be my Mate. But what if my 16 year old heart knows better than this scientifically and culturally established process?
— Dystopian YA Novel (@DystopianYA) September 9, 2016
On your 15th Year Day, your Tattoo appears. It represents your spirit and your class. It's not like my little pony okay
— Dystopian YA Novel (@DystopianYA) September 9, 2016
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