9 weird newly discovered species which might turn out to be aliens

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Evan Hoovler
Dec 15, 2012

There's a popular movie theme in which scientists on the bottom of the ocean find extraterrestrial beings. We have to imagine that scientists in the Philippines recently felt something similar when they found 300 previously undiscovered life forms.

Here are our nine contenders for species they found that may probably turn out to be freaky aliens:

Alien Worm That Lives in Coral

This freaky little specimen is a new type of the genus Myrianida, which is Latin for "beast that wants to burrow into your brain, like in that one Night Gallery episode." This is what it probably looks like when it's laying eggs in someone's skull:

This exotic-looking creature lurks in coral all day. For many marine species, coral is like a house you can eat. We wonder if "looking as freaky as possible" is a successful defense against predators. If so, the ugly fish must get all the ladies.

Crab With Teeth on Its Claws

This answers the question "What does H.P. Lovecraft step on when he's swimming in the ocean?" Seriously, this thing looks like it just went on a cutting spree and is coated in the blood of its victims. It's the marine version of Rorschach: a deviant, bloody monster with an inkblot on its head. What do you see when you stare at the crab's back? Because we see the sallow face of death ... or is that just us?

Sea Slug That Oozes Poison

Being a sea slug is kind of like being a living oil painting—

Except, instead of security lasers guarding this oil painting, it simply emits poison. The gastropod lives at the depths of the sea, no doubt because in light it would be spotted by predators faster than the Mona Lisa at a flea market. So they make up for it by staying in the dark and tasting really, really bad. Which makes us wonder, if we had predators, how would we make ourselves taste really bad? Probably by not bathing ... or would that make us taste better, like a sweaty saute?

Unidentified Coral Looks Just Like a Tree

This is a new type of soft coral. Scientists suspect it belongs to the genus Umbeliulifera. We, however, suspect it might be a new form of Triffid that is planning a hostile takeover. It grows up to a half-meter, which scientists assure us is quite a great height for underwater alien coral trees. What's it like being coral? Does coral just sit there, content with its life? Or does it harbor dreams of one day making it to the big show at the Great Barrier Reef?

Starfish Eats Bizarre Diet

It must be tough finding a wide selection of food when your main means of locomotion resembles a blob of silly putty climbing down a wall. For most starfish, a meal is comprised of mussels that are even slower and dumber. However, in the deep sea Philippines, mussels have been on the decline, so starfish have had to adapt.

One thing there is a bunch of on the bottom of the sea is driftwood, and this new starfish has formed a diet exclusively on that. So it can be said that this starfish is the termite of the marina kingdom. Or it's an alien, which makes far more sense.

Inflatable Shark

So this cute little shark is kinda small. Scientist observed it filling with water to inflate its body. The purpose is to appear larger, in order to scare away predators. Which, if you're paying close attention, means there's something in the water in the Philippines that preys on sharks! Sometimes, to really annoy bigger animals, these swellsharks will dive between two rocks and inflate, so that predators can't pull them out. This is undoubtedly what passes for highbrow slapstick comedy in the aquatic world.

Sea Pen

During the day, this new species of sea pen is nowhere to be found. Hoping to escape predators, it buries itself under the sand. Which means that if you travel to the bottom of the sea, you still haven't gone down far enough to see all the life that exists.

Sea pens get their name from their resemblance to antique quill pens. However, scientists still haven't found a sea pen that produces enough feces to consistently write with.

Pancake Sea Slug

Another new member to what might be the most beautiful genus on earth, the Pancake sea slug oozes its way along the deep waters of the sea. Interestingly, sea slugs are part of the same group as snails. Sea slugs are saltwater snails that have abandoned their shells. Another fun fact is that their anuses are located right below their head. We wonder if they didn't need a shell because predators of the deep just feel sorry for sea slugs, and take pity by not eating them.

Lobsters with no shells

It seems like these creatures have a really hard road in life. When your cousins need full-plate body armor just to survive, and you've got nothing ... things are going to be difficult. This species has to constantly hide from predators. As such, it can't grow too big—it constantly needs to find crevices on the ocean floor into which to scurry. Not to mention their puny arms look like they couldn't pinch a penny. The bottom of the sea sure contains a lot of the picked-on nerds of the animal kingdom.

It's amazing to realize that there are still places on Earth teeming with undiscovered life forms, some of which are probably really cool-looking. One can only imagine what freaky animals are still waiting to be discovered by humans.

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