Movie theaters may be more advanced than ever before, but there’s almost always someone who can’t keep their mouth shut during a film. And since the advent of smartphones, texting during movies is starting to rival talking as the most annoying part of the experience. What’s a movie lover supposed to do? Not every theater chain is as strict about the no-talking or -texting rules as the Alamo Drafthouse. If getting kicked out isn’t a sufficient deterrent, then perhaps something more drastic is in order.
Enter Jeff Goldblum, national treasure and the co-star of the upcoming Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Goldblum also starred in the original Jurassic Park and its first sequel, The Lost World. Because Goldblum is returning to the franchise next month, Alamo Drafthouse recruited him to film a new PSA announcement that lays out the ground rules of the theater chain and introduces “Shelia: The Anti-Talking Velociraptor.”
Once, Goldblum might have echoed his character in Jurassic Park, Ian Malcolm, and questioned the moral and ethical decisions behind creating a dinosaur specifically designed to devour anyone who breaks the Drafthouse rules. As Malcolm said in the first Jurassic Park, “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.” But the Jeff Goldblum of 2018 is all out of Goldblums to give, and he laughs in the face of your imminent demise.
To be honest, we’re with Goldblum on this one. Forget about the potential military applications of velociraptors. Their true calling is policing each and every movie theater across the country!
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom will be released on June 22, and we hope to see it in a quiet theater.