Chosen One of the Day: The one person in Star City who still doesn't know Oliver Queen is Green Arrow

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May 29, 2017, 4:42 PM EDT (Updated)

I'm not sure what you look like.

I'm not even sure you actually exist.

The show seems to want us to believe there's still a reason to pretend you do, glorious ignorant one, but I have my doubts. If you do exist, I salute you. You have managed to remain pure, untouched by the countless sieges, terrorist attacks, manufactured earthquakes, kidnappings, manhunts and parking violations that have occurred in your city since the hooded vigilante appeared. You simply shrugged your shoulders when the "Arrow" disappeared and the "Green Arrow," who looked and sounded exactly like him, appeared. Yeah, probably a totally different dude who just likes the aesthetic.

In trying to determine who you are, it may be easier to decide who you aren't.

The list of people who do know that Oliver Queen is the Green Arrow include: a reporter who was also his girlfriend, the former police captain who is now his own deputy mayor, his own sister, his mother, every leader of the League of Assassins, possibly every member of the League of Assassins, every leader of side sects of the League of Assassins that themselves are not the actual League but operate in exactly the same way kind of like the Pepsi to the League of Assassins' Coke, the Russian mob, enemies of the Russian mob, the Huntress, his late ex-girlfriend's alternate universe evil doppelganger, Mr. Terrific's ex-husband, the Postmates driver who has had to deliver 'Big Belly Burger' to Oliver Queen at 'Green Arrow's Secret Lair,' The Flash (but like prior to his even BECOMING the Flash, back when he was just a dude!), the Legends of Tomorrow, every other hero's entire extended family and friend circle, the paramilitary psychopath who laid siege to Star City in an attempt to get revenge on him, the district attorney who also has a secret vengeance plot that apparently has never included just outing Oliver Queen as the Green Arrow, the mother of his son, a superhero who literally lives on a parallel universe, a race of aliens who tried to invade the planet, pretty much everyone who has an ARGUS keycard, and your neighbors who likely voted for Ollie to be mayor specifically because they like his policies on vigilante justice...

Team Arrow studying a takeout menu

But then there's you. You who voted for Mayor Oliver Queen because you liked his stance on healthcare and city parks, and because you're the kind of good civics nerd who always votes even in local elections. I bet your name is Gary, you seem like a Gary. I don't know what sort of chill you must possess to be able to keep your nose out of the Green Arrow's business when all of those around you are unable to do so, but it's impressive. Is it yoga? Do you go on a lot of hikes? A severe drinking problem prone to blackouts?

Whatever it is Gary, I envy it. I wish I could let loose all of my stresses from the world and live in the sweet unfocused bliss that you do, my friend. Who cares about the constant warzone that is your city, or the manhunt for the DA, or that nuclear bomb that destroyed Havenrock? (Well, aside from Ragman, apparently no one.) Certainly not you, Gary. Right now you're probably leaning back in your chair, ankles up, and ready to just dig into your Netflix queue while the world burns around you.

Perhaps you are Star City's truest hero.

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