Captain America, Avengers: Endgame

Avengers: Endgame, where have all the barbers gone?

Contributed by
Mar 14, 2019

The latest Avengers: Endgame trailer dropped this morning and we have a lot of questions.

Questions that start with: Hawkeye, why?

Last time, we ended up mourning Cap’s beard. This time… I’m mourning what is clearly a complete decimation of the barber and hair care industry. I know that they are all very busy and important, but...

The Avengers… their follicles need help, y’all. Won’t someone think of their HAIR?

Hawkeye

Hawkeye Avengers Endgame

Credit: Marvel

The Mohawk? The fade? The fluff?

(To be honest, I’m OK with the fluff. More fluff.)

But really, Clint is clearly cutting his own hair, right? And he does not have the smooth skin of a wee babe for this emo-band-circa-2002 lewk. Maybe if he would go all in, dye it black, and throw on some waterproof eyeliner we can talk. Right now, he’s not even halfway there and we can’t stan a man who won’t commit.

Cap

Steve Rogers Avengers Endgame

Credit: Marvel

In what universe would any barber look at a bearded Steve Rogers and say “Hey, you know what, let’s give you a clean shave with a straight razor.” And in what universe would Steve, slowly getting up to date on all his references, not respond, “OK, Sweeney Todd.” We already know that we love a bearded Cap, but I cannot abide a world in Steve loses Bucky and those sweet, sweet bristles.

Natasha

Black Widow Avengers Endgame

Credit: Marvel 

She clearly can handle a dye; we’ve got Widow back as the redhead we all know and love. However.

What is happening here with this braid? Did she got to a sleepover and lose a game of Truth or Dare? If she needs a prom look, I’m happy to volunteer to get that French braid sorted. (JAY-KAY, I can’t do a French braid, let’s be real.)

Follow up: Did Natasha want to cover her roots and so dyed her hair back to red, but didn’t have enough dye left to do the whole head so there are these weird, random streaks of bleach blond? I AM CONFUSE.

Tony Stark  

Tony Stark Avengers Endgame

Credit: Marvel

Real talk, is Tony must also be handling his own coif? Which is truly a shame, because I want to see Tony sans access to grooming tools. Like he’s been on the run hunting Horcruxes for seven months and didn’t have time or access to a pair of scissors or a beard trimmer.

He looks fine, like Tony Stark, but … gimme Beatles hair Robert Downey, Jr.

Carol and Thor

Thor and Captain Marvel

Of course these two would be fine. Thor can rock a hatchet job of a cut, as evidenced in Ragnarok and Carol is the goddess of my heart who can look good even while literally throwing nuclear warheads around midflight. I have full trust that even without access to a salon or a barbershop, they can keep their locks full of love, smooth, and styled to perfection.

And, Thor never shaved his beard. Like some traitors I can think of. Ahem.

Rhodey, Scott, Bruce, Rocket, and Nebula

Team Avengers Endgame

Credit: Marvel

Are All Great and Fine and Look Amazing Thank You For Asking

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