Chilling Adventures of Sabrina has a steamy reminder for how to get the juiciest turkey

Contributed by
Nov 22, 2018, 12:03 PM EST (Updated)

So the witches of Netflix’s Chilling Adventures of Sabrina don’t exactly celebrate Thanksgiving as we know it, but hey, at least Nick Scratch is up for trying a different type of meat.

The Church of Night doesn’t do turkey. They prefer the human flesh of a randomly chosen King or Queen who has been sweetened and plumped for several days before ultimately being sacrificed and served up at the Feast of Feasts, which is basically a cannibalistic orgy that doesn’t need dessert. At least the witches don’t think so.

With that in mind, Nick (who many think Sabrina should trade in her mortal boyfriend for) must be getting really kinky in this Turkey Day featurette, since he is trying something with food that his brethren normally wouldn’t even think of. He does things with a turkey baster that should be illegal. You will never be able to look at one the same way again, especially after he tells you that he hopes you like your turkey—wait for it—moist.

Just wait until you see how he handles a can of whipped cream when he gets to the pumpkin pie.

Would witches actually cook an entire feast? There was that Thanksgiving episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch when Hilda and Zelda summoned Pilgrims to cook dinner and ended up almost getting burned at the stake. Anyone who has to deal with Salem as a taste-tester probably would go to such an extreme.

The witches of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina obviously don’t care to deal with ovens when they can have their meat raw. They apparently prefer theirs just as moist as Nick likes his turkey, since the King or Queen will soak in honeyed milk baths and eat candied figs and all sorts of other sweet indulgences prior to anyone taking a bite of flesh.

Think of that when you’re contemplating a second slice of pie.

(via io9)