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Chosen One of the Day: Bones, Kirk, and Spock, grumpy old campers

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Aug 20, 2019, 9:53 AM EDT (Updated)

The fifth Star Trek film, The Final Frontier, was famously directed by William Shatner. His original cut was over two hours and after Paramount requested cuts, Shatner insisted that nothing could possibly be removed. Not a thing. Not a single solitary frame or moment. Most certainly not the very long scenes featuring Bones, Kirk, and Spock camping at Yosemite.

And thank god-but-not-actually-god-just-that-weird-head-Kirk-and-co-confront-at-the-end-of-the-flick, because honestly this could have been the whole movie.

There's a lot happening here. We have Bones going full drunk uncle: talking up his bean game and yelling at Spock because he f***ing hates Spock — he really hates camping Spock. In fairness, Spock would be TERRIBLE to camp with. The whole time, he's all "What are these Earth beans? What is this Earth thing you call singing? Alcohol?! CLUTCH MY VULCAN PEARLS." Then he breaks down the lyrics of "Row Row Row Your Boat" like some kind of stoned MFA bro and you know what? Bones, pass me that "secret ingredient" too, Imma get bean drunk to deal with Spock.

Meanwhile, Kirk starts talking about dying alone. 


Anyway, here's "Camptown Races."

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