I feel the need... the need to discuss at length and in agonizing detail the new Top Gun reboot.
It stars Brie Larson as a woman named Carol Danvers. She’s a hardass. She’s impulsive. She’s, in a word, a maverick.
Alexa, play "Danger Zone."
Danvers is a woman who flies against the Jetstream. She must. She’s been tasked with saving humanity itself. Every time she climbs into that cockpit, the world is at stake. When she’s not tearing up the sky (and the fragile masculinity of her enemies) in her phallus-shaped weapon of death, she’s clenching her fist at the patriarchy and rocking out to Nine Inch Nails.
Danvers gives us hardcore queer energy. She surrounds herself with strong women. She is not here for any man’s bullsh*t. She refuses to sport boob windows on her superhero getup.
She’s a renegade, a woman who enjoys a topless game of beach volleyball — not because it’s an opportunity to work out some sort of machismo aggression, but because it keeps her in top fighting shape while letting her girls breathe.
When Danvers puts on a leather bomber jacket, the world stands still. When she scowls, her enemies soil themselves. When her fingerless leather gloves contract into a compressed palm of righteous fury, we all take one step closer to a Utopian matriarchy.
Danvers might be in a relationship with another badass warrior woman, Diana Prince. We’re not sure. They like to keep their romance private. It’s still new.
Ariana Grande was right. God IS a woman. Her name is Carol Danvers and she’s giving us the all-female Top Gun reboot of our dreams.
What’s that? These photos are from Captain Marvel? So that Miles Teller-led garbage is still happening?
Cool. Cool …