Chosen One of the Day: China from Waxwork

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Aug 13, 2018, 4:16 PM EDT (Updated)

What do we want?

Side characters in ‘80s horror comedies who refuse to be slut-shamed!

When do we want them?

Literally all the time!

There are a lot of movies in the world. Literally hundreds, I guess! Maybe more! And only so many hours in the day, and only so many days in your life until your march toward death reaches its inevitable conclusion. Why should you spend one and one-half of your limited hours on Earth watching Anthony Hickox’s Waxwork? Because this happens, you fools! You terrible, terrible fools!

But this post is not about Dracula’s truly spectacular Waxwork death. It’s about China. Who’s China? Here she is, folks:

waxwork china

Look past the teased '80s 'do, if you're able, and ponder the rich complexity of this character. Popular fashionista China (Michelle Johnson) is a friend and object of affection for the main character, Mark (Zach Galligan), who judges China for sleeping with various men who aren't him because he's a vaguely nerdy character in an '80s movie and those were all contractually obligated to be Nice Guy weenies on account of screenwriters having some sort of psychosexual sh*t they had to work out. 

"Can't a girl get laid around here without getting burned at the stake?" she asks this guy who's supposed to be her friend, but who can't stop being a sanctimonious turd about her sex life. "I do what I want, when I want. Dig it or f*ck off." Yeah, China! Go, China!

Later on, China gets sucked into a wax museum diorama depicting a bunch of vampires, who offer her raw meat covered in "gravy" that's legit just blood.

China, god bless her, rolls with it, because she's willing to be adventurous, unlike Mark, who is a dork. She then goes all proto-Buffy and stakes a bunch of vamps before ultimately meeting her end at the teeth of Dracula himself. A badass end for a badass bitch.

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