Look, we’re not here to settle the war of the Hollywood Chrises. It’s a battle seeped in lust, angst, and specific white guy affinities that will rage eternal. We will pass this torch on to the next generation. I will teach my children to hate anyone who believes Chris Pine is not the best Chris of them all, and I expect anyone who stans Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, or Chris Pratt to do the same. One day, this war shall divide America, nay, the world.
But as we bid adieu to summer, it’s Chris Pine on vacation that we want to send us off into the chill and leaves. This truly seems a gift from the Goddess herself, a libido-sparking saga of exposed man-meat. In other words, Steve Trevor is currently sunbathing in Italy with his lady love and y’all, our scruffy, blue-eyed Miniature Schnauzer is serving looks.
Chris Pine in a pair of hot pink booty shorts with a straw-colored fedora looking like a sweet vanilla ice-cream cone on a warm summer’s day. Cool me off, Chris. Cool! Me! Off!
Chris Pine looking like a Tommy Bahama spokesman while shopping in Capri. Call the authorities. We’ve been attacked.
I saved this one for last because I just wasn’t sure if we could handle it. The hotness, the confidence, the Chris-ness of it all. But damn it, if it breaks the internet, so be it, this intelligent, rule-breaking sea lion cannot be contained. It’s Chris Pine … in a CAFTAN!
Gird your fallopian tubes, ladies, because Chris Pine is in vacation mode and no woman is safe. Oh, what a glorious time to be alive.