Goosebumps: Escape From Horrorland was one of the many '90s point-and-click adventures determined to take advantage of Goosebumps mania. It’s a sequel of sorts to the book One Day at Horrorland, where Lizzie Morris and her family have to escape from a theme park full of horrors bent on their destruction. It’s a perfectly PG horror experience, full of classic monsters, pixelated full-motion video, and basic puzzles.
And it is the last place you would expect ‘90s Jeff Goldblum, fresh off Independence Day and Jurassic Park, to show up, and, yet, there he is. In full vampire regalia. Well, full vampire Party City regalia.
Yes, Goldblum IS Party City Dracula. In an all-too-brief scene, Lizzie encounters the Count while looking for the solution to a puzzle, and must distract him by dancing with him. Just to emphasize: she is a human child.
It reads like a cut-rate, really forked up Labyrinth, up until the player recovers the handle and then Lizzie brutally murders Jeff Goldblum. To be fair, he did deserve it, but it’s also fascinating to see Goldblum play against type here. Lizzie obviously finds his efforts to charm him creepy and sinister (because she is a child!) and he’s mean and downright cruel to the player. He even slaps you at one point!
Tragically, Goldblum has never played another vampire, which is truly our loss. Imagine him applying himself as Dracula or, if you’ll indulge me a fevered dream, we can fantasize about an all-Goldblum production of Interview With the Vampire.
Look at this beatific, fang-y smile. We deserve it.