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Chosen One of the Day: Daniel Kaluuya's Barney

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Oct 18, 2019, 10:45 AM EDT (Updated)

So, this sounds like an actual fever dream but I assure you, it's real. Daniel Kaluuya, star of Get Out and Black Panther, will produce a live-action film about Barney the Dinosaur. Beyond that, his description is intense.

"Barney was a ubiquitous figure in many of our childhoods, then he disappeared into the shadows, left misunderstood,” said Kaluuya. “We're excited to explore this compelling modern-day hero and see if his message of 'I love you, you love me' can stand the test of time."

When I tell you this is the movie we need, BELIEVE ME.

I was just too old for Barney so I avoided it in my youth, only to have a child. Here's the thing: when I had said child, Barney and Friends had ceased production years prior. And yet she found it. I don't know how but she found it. I don't remember turning it on. It was just...there.

For the unawares, Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination. That's literally the theme song. He's a stuffed animal that comes to life. Sometimes. Sometimes he's just a stuffed animal kids drag around and then he comes to life with a big sparkly flourish and HUZZAH he's a 6-foot-tall T-rex who talks and sings. And here's the thing — everyone can see him. Kids, adults, Demi Lovato, everyone. He is a collective hallucination happening in this one park, like, constantly. AND HE BROUGHT FRIENDS. Baby Bop, BJ, Riff, and the human children and adults have to teach lessons to THE IMAGINARY CHILD DINOSAURS. Like. What. 

Also Pandora's Box. That's a thing that happens.

Anyway, give me my intense-ass Barney movie. It's what we need. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.

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