Chosen One of the Day: Blue Lip Guy from Dungeons & Dragons

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Apr 27, 2017, 2:50 PM EDT (Updated)

In the annals of fantasy movie history, there is one character who stands head and shoulders above the rest. The Goblin King from Labyrinth? Please. Frodo? More like Frod-NO. I'm talking about the Blue Lip Guy from noted masterpiece Dungeons & Dragons (2000), hallowed be his name.

Actually, his name isn't "Blue Lip Guy." It's Damodar, and he's the evil mage Profion's (Jeremy Irons) #1 henchman/BFF. But no one who's ever seen Dungeons &; Dragons -- which isn't nearly enough people, seriously, it's bonkers, it's a full-on terrible '80s fantasy movie that for some inexplicable reason was actually made in the year 2000 -- remembers Damodar as "that guy who wore blue lipstick."

I guess, in the context of the movie, it's not supposed to be lipstick. Maybe? Maybe he's a Blue Man Group superfan. Maybe he likes to look pretty. Maybe he spends his days off racking up VIB points at the Izmir Sephora. I don't know enough about D&D lore to say whether there's a race that looks completely humanoid other than having blue lips. But seriously. Look at this guy. It's not even a dignified blue. It's Delia's-in-the-late-'90s frosted.

Because we are not shallow here at Syfy Wire Fangrrls, except when we are, it is incumbent upon me to focus not just on Blue Lip Guy's aesthetic but the substance of his character. Like the way he says "YOU CAN CONTROL DRAGONS."

But the crowning achievement of Blue Lip Guy's performance is the following scene, where he's punished by Profion for ... ah screw it, it doesn't matter, just settle back with a glass of wine and a cig and bask in it:

Watch this again. It's A+ acting masterclass gold. The actor playing Blue Lip Guy, Bruce Payne, is sharing screen time with Jeremy Irons in primo, up-to-11 scenery-chewing mode ("GOOOOOOOD, I COULD USE EVERY OUNCE OF YOUR RAGE. HATATATATATA."), and damned if he doesn't rise to the challenge. There is no single frame in Blue Lip Guy's big "Whoops, My Brain!" scene that is not Art.

Print these all out and hang them in the Louvre. Oh, there's no room? Take down the Mona Lisa. What color are her lips again? Yeah: NOT BLUE. Check and mate.

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